So, we've seen four very different types of fanfiction. Each one was terrible, but varying degrees of terrible. I mean, we've seen a completely out of character fuckfic written by a robot, an original character getting it on with two characters that would have no interest in her, the tamest necrophilia ever, and a children's gaming website made into some incredibly poorly written and thought out porn. All of these are varying degrees of bad. They can all be made fun of for one reason or another. None of them should be shown on the internet or to one's friends. But none of them are what's coming up.
This next one is the first truly UNSETTLING one, and I hate to say it, but I've been waiting for this day for a while now. I have no idea why anybody would want to write this fanfiction. Why would anybody want to write something deeply unsettling about Dragon Age II and the characters therein? I get that the Dragon Age series is a mature look on a fantasy realm very similar to The Lord of the Rings, but does that mean I have to read fanfictions about rape, necrophilia, and disgusting acts of violence?
I guess it does. AlexandraS90, in "The Doomed Expedition," certainly thinks that her remarkably awful fanfiction of a female Hawke and Isabela getting raped, murdered, and raped again should be read by fans of the series, and maybe even enjoyed by them. I don't know. I can only guess what her motives are. I just have to say that there is no reason for this to exist. Either the author is really into this or "she" just wanted to try out something a little insane. But the fact of the matter is this is no good. Nobody should ever read this. Enjoying it probably makes you a bad person. There will also be a time towards the end of the story where I am going to stop talking because I have nothing else to say. Imagine me staring slackjawed at the fic while you read it. And always remember: this is what is wrong with the fanfiction culture.
I like Dragon Age, by the way, and I find this all kinds of despicable. But let's get this party started. A party none of us want to attend...
Bartrand Tethras' expedition into the Deep Roads had gone without fault for nearly five days, encountering only small bands of darkspawn, until the party hit their first snag.
This is the very definition of a run-on sentence. There is no need for all of those commas. This sentence should probably be three separate sentences.
The passage they'd been following split off in two directions, one fork leading left and the other leading right.
Uh... "one fork leading left?" Look, forks don't work that way. If there is a fork in the road, then a single one of those paths is not also called a fork. Fork, in this case, is synonymous to "junction."
"Brother!" Bartrand called "Which way do we go?"
I'm going to say this one, rather than point it out throughout the fanfiction. After a character says something, in this example: '"Brother!" Bartrand called(.)' there needs to be a period after "called" or any verb in question before the next quotation is spoken.
Varric strode up behind his older brother, trying to discern the vague map that Anders had provided them with.
Are... are you ending that sentence with a preposition? Fo' shame.
"I... haven't got a clue." He shrugged, holding the parchment up to a lit brazier. More light did nothing for his problem.
The writing so far is actually not that bad. I'm not enjoying myself reading any of it, mind you, but it's not bad. It's serviceable. I'm nitpicking, which I don't really need to do as you'll see shortly.
"Gray Wardens
"Grey"
are known more for their darkspawn slaying skills than their clear cartography and for good reason, it seems." Marian Hawke interjected.
"Maybe so." Varric grinned "Alright, it looks to me like one of these passages leads to a square about half a mile ahead. Problem is, I can't tell which one from this damn map. I propose we send a pair of scouts down each one and have 'em report back."
Varric, you seriously can't read a map? You know there's a square, but you have no idea which of two different passages lead to said square? You can't guess?
"Fair enough. I'll take Isabela with me and head to the left. Varric, you take Carver and check out the right..." The young mage decided.
"Don't forget who's leading this expedition, Hawke!" Bartrand told her.
"Okaaaaay, Bartrand." Hawke said, with a hint of snark. "Your comment has literally nothing to do with what we're deciding right now."
"Don't forget who's financing this expedition, Bartrand." Hawke retorted, cutting the wind out of the dwarf's sails.
The two scout groups headed towards the fork, parting ways at the wall.
"Be careful, sister." Carver said, pulling his sibling into a somewhat uncharacteristic embrace. After a second, Marian took his toned, bare arms off her back.
"Don't worry about it Carver. We'll all be back here within the hour. We can have tea! I take mine with darkspawn blood and a spoonful of sugar." Hawke joked.
Nobody thought it was funny.
"After what happened with Bethany, I'd hoped never to see another darkspawn." Carver said.
"Trust me, nothing like that will happen again. I won't let it." Hawke promised.
"Good luck." Carver said, as he and Varric set off.
"We should get going too." Isabela pointed out.
"Really? I thought we would stand here and wait for the second coming of Andraste." Hawke replied as she began walking down her designated passage. Her pirate cohort falling into step behind her.
The fact that this is so NORMAL here pisses me off for what will come later.
"I honestly don't know what's worse, a city full of templars or an underground kingdom full of darkspawn." Hawke sighed.
"At least Kirkwall has proper beds, and proper ale. Falling asleep sober on stone floors every night isn't my idea of a vacation." Isabela remarked.
"And what would that be?" The mage asked.
"The usual: soft sheets, plenty of liquor and strapping Orlesian men catering to my every depraved whim." Isabela laughed.
"I was planning on putting my share of the profits towards an estate in Hightown, but holidaying with you sounds much more tempting." Hawke smiled.
"I'd be glad to have you along. The more people, the better, I always say." Hawke was reasonably sure she didn't just mean that about party size.
ORGY WARNING. Just in case you plebeians didn't understand AlexandraS90's implication there, Isabela was more than likely making a comment about an orgies. ORGY WARNING OVER.
The two women paused, a heavy door blocking their path. Working together, they were just able to push the thing open. The sight of Isabela, face contorted with effort and her bare shoulder to the door was enjoyable, to say the least, Hawke thought.
Why? Do you like to see your friends struggle a little bit, Hawke? Is that what you're into, you SICK FUCK!?
Uh, sorry, I got a little overexcited there. I should be saving the disgust and anger for later, but... shit happens.
"Do you hear that?" Isabela asked. Hawke strained her ears for a moment, before hearing a far off skittering, the sound of metal boots on stone.
"Darkspawn." Hawke said. The pirate nodded, sliding the knives from her back. Hawke did the same with her staff, taking it out with a slight flourish. The adventurers inched forward, keeping as quiet as possible.
"If there's more than a dozen, we run. I'd rather be alive and poor, than wealthy and dinner for some darkspawn." Hawke whispered.
"Only a dozen?" Isabela asked.
"I'm getting cautious in my old age." the mage smirked.
Isabela and Hawke edged up on the band of darkspawn, managing to survey them undetected.
"I count no more than seven. Let's do this."
"We're so murdering these darkspawn rather than simply going around them just because they number less than twelve!"
Hawke decided, flinging a fireball at the warband. It killed a unlucky few outright, giving the others minor burns
Period.
Isabela was on them not long after, her daggers tearing into the flesh of the darkspawn, slicing off limbs. She relieved one hurlock of it's
"its"
right hand, spinning round
"around"
to break a genlock's jaw. Hawke had always been impressed with how graceful, and deadly, Isabela managed to be.
Those two commas should not exist. Make them nonexistent.
Seriously, what is it about fanfictions overusing both commas and semicolons? It happens way too often to be a coincidence. I know these two punctuation marks are strange and probably mythological, but seriously either use them right, learn how to use them right, or use them as sparingly as you can. Do not add them wherever you want. They rarely go where you think they do.
The mage sent bolts of energy at the darkspawn furthest away from Isabela, knowing she could handle a couple alone.
Isabela slashed out a hurlock's eyes, planting her other dagger right in the face of another, elegantly sidestepping away from his frenzied attack. She threw down a smoke bomb, dazing a genlock, only to slip behind, sinking her knife into the base of his skull. His blood burst out, a little spattering onto Isabela's bodice and generous bust.
Are you fucking serious? Why do I need to know about her "generous bust" when speaking about her violent acts towards these darkspawn? You want to go and say that Isabela's breasts were splattered with blood, fine, but why do I need to know the size of her breasts in the same sentence that a creature's blood is flowing onto her?
Does that seem gratuitous to anybody else?
The three monsters fell to the ground, none of them managing to scratch the pirate.
"That wasn't so bad." Isabela commented, wrenching her daggers free from their newfound sheaths. Shame about the smell, she thought. "There could be more further ahead."
"I guess this is where the ability to sense darkspawn comes in handy." Hawke mused.
"I don't suppose you could have brought the Gray
"Grey"
Warden with you, then?" Isabela asked.
"Anders is too strange for me. And besides, you're much prettier than he is." Hawke conceded, returning her staff to it's normal place.
Fuck yes, this is the right time to flirt. Of course it is. Also, "its." Please learn the difference between "its" and "it's." It's not hard to figure out the difference.
And let me make this clear as well. Isabela is a fun loving pirate duelist. Hawke is an adventurer and the player character of the game. Neither ever do amazing acts of violence just to do them. And it's a video game besides. Of course there will be fighting enemies. I don't think these fights need to be described in bloody detail in such a loving way.
What I'm saying is that AlexandraS90 is a little fucked up.
"Oh?" Isabela purred, pushing her chest out with the slightest touch of pride.
Her "generous" chest.
"Did I say prettier? I meant smellier. I was hoping your natural stench would scare away the darkspawn." Hawke smirked.
"You don't have to get defensive, sweetie." Isabela replied.
That's not being defensive, Isabela/AlexandraS90. That's being obviously flirtatious. Look up the definitions of both. They might surprise you.
"Shall we press on?" Hawke asked, gesturing down the passageway, which seemed to stretch on for an eternity. The two women continued on for a few moments in silence, prepared for an attack, their weapons at the ready.
The sound of darkspawn once again entered their ears, but this time, the group sounded much further off. They decided to take their chances.
Your overuse of commas is getting to me. After "time" there should be no comma.
Actually, no. Your comma license is revoked. You are no longer allowed to use commas.
"We must be nearing this square, if our passage is even the right one." Isabela said, keeping her voice down.
"You're right. Why do I get the feeling it'll be a darkspawn resort?" Hawke sighed. Just her bloody luck. It had been one terrible thing after another since she'd fled Lothering.
As they closed on the square, their suspicions were confirmed. It was indeed the place Varric had mentioned, but it was filled with darkspawn, just as Hawke had expected. Hawke couldn't quite count them out, but there were dozens of them. Genlocks, hurlocks and shrieks but luckily no ogres.
"When I give the word, run. They'll hear us, but I'm pretty sure we can outstrip them. With Varric, Carver and the others, I think we'll be able to take this lot on." Hawke planned quietly as they hugged the wall.
"I understand"
Period.
Isabela nodded.
"Alright. Go!" Hawke bade her.
Why the fuck are you yelling when you could be stealthy? Look, the darkspawn don't know either of you are there. Go quietly, no running or screaming, and they will continue to not know you are there. The instant you yell, scream, and/or run you are asking for trouble, you dolts. I mean, seriously, this whole fucking disaster could have been averted if you acted like adult humans and were quiet rather than acting like children and ran around like chickens with your heads cut off...
Fuck, I'm going to regret that last remark come a little later in the story.
The two friends rose to the feet, bolting back down the passage. They made a lot of noise, enough to alert the more sharp eared members of the small horde. A shriek pointed at the fleeing women, screeching an alert at his broodmates.
I told you. Why the fuck run and yell when you can slink out as easily as you came in? Also that shriek is Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Isabela and Hawke were so busy running, they didn't see the genlock emmisarry
"Emissary." Jeez, oh man, you really fucked that word up royally.
raise his staff, sending out a blast of magical energy at them.
Isabela, who'd been a few strides ahead of Hawke, went sailing through the air a few feet, the feeling of hot, hard air against her skin. She landed with a thud, and a groan, on her back.
OVERUSE OF COMMAS ALERT
PUNCTUATION POLICE RESPONDING
She caught a glimpse of Hawke doing the same behind her. The darkspawn sprinted forth, managing to close almost the entire distance before either woman was ready to retaliate. Hawke sprung to her feet, twirling her staff, ready to take on the world. A genlock thundered at Isabela, murder in his eyes.
 |
| I am a thundering genlock. Roar. Murder is in my eyes. |
She reached for one of her knives, sending it sailing through the air. Her aim was still top notch and the missile struck the short darkspawn between the eyes.
The pirate found her feet, drawing her remaining knife.
"Isabela, run. I'll hold this lot off." Hawke said bravely, twirling her staff and spewing flame at her attackers. Pirate or no, Isabela wasn't the kind of person who left a friend to die. She darted forward, reaching to retrieve her knife, but coming under attack from a heavily armored hurlock in the process.
She slashed hard at the thing's wrist, hoping to take an appendage off. Instead, her knife bounced of his thick plate armour. He had Isabela on the run now. She was backstepping, painfully aware that one missed step on the craggy floor would spell certain doom. She tried another swipe, and another, only to have her blade deflected, again and again, sparks flying as silverite met silverite.
So exciting. I'm not sure how she can be "on the run" while simply "backstepping." Man, I'm seriously almost falling asleep. How can a person make an action scene so awful?
The hurlock had suffered quite enough of this. He bashed his metal kite shield
Ha ha, thought AlexandraS90, I know at least one kind of shield in the Dragon Age games, and I am damn well going to write about it in my story.
into the pirate's knife hand. Isabela cried out in pain, dropping the knife reflexively. She was sure a few of her fingers had been broken, if not her entire hand.
How does a shield break fingers that easily? Or a hand? I mean, I've jammed my hands and fingers into all manner of things, never had anything break. It's not exactly easy to break bones. Just sayin'. Maybe Isabela has brittle bone disease. She shouldn't be adventuring with brittle bone disease.
The thing roared a celebratory taunt, dropping his weapons and tackling Isabela to the ground, once again driving all the air from her lungs. She'd heard enough tales of the Blight to know what was to come...
"Hawke!" She gasped, desperate for a rescue as the hurlock struggled out of his greaves.
*sigh* Here it comes. Why in the fuck is he doing it so quickly? Why is this even in the story? Why am I currently reading this? All these questions have no answers.
No, seriously. I have never NOT ONCE been playing the Dragon Age games, had a character knocked out, then suddenly seen a little fucking genlock struggling out of his cockshuttering greaves like some demented toddler trying to get out of a diaper. I mean, seriously. These are not things that happen. Maybe I don't have enough imagination, but no, it's also not something I think about happening.
It's also kind of silly to picture. I imagine a lot of fumbling because those fuckers look awkward.
The mage turned her head to look, momentarily distracted by her friend's plight. As she formulated a spell in her mind, she was unaware of the hurlock approaching from behind. He swung his heavy maul in an arc, the hammer striking the unaware human in the lower back.
Hawke's eyes widened, watering at the immense agony she felt. She retched, slumped onto her knees, and fell onto her stomach, lying motionless.
Let's make this fanfiction sickening.
Starting now.
Isabela screamed in terror as she saw them cripple Hawke. Her horror only increased as the one that had defeated her started tearing into Hawke's robes.
Because I have no context about which "her" is supposed to be the right "her," this sentence makes me think that Isabela's darkspawn released her to go tear into Hawke's robes. I know that's not true, but it's the first thing that came to my mind. Be precise when writing your sickening rape-fic. Gosh.
At around the same moment as Isabela's attacker had removed his greaves, exposing his rotten darkspawn penis, Hawke had been laid bare before the rest of the darkspawn.
Run-on sentence. Again.
"Rotten darkspawn penis," huh? That's a combination of words I've been dying to read my whole life. Thank you for making my life, AlexandraS90. Now I can die a happy man.
Had Isabela been able to concentrate on Hawke, she would have been disgusted at the sight of the wound on the barely living mage's back. As it stood, she had bigger things to watch.
Yeah, a rotten darkspawn penis.
The hurlock leaned forwards, it's
"its" Do you understand? Do you? "It's" means "it is" while "its" is a pronoun that refers to possession.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
yellowed teeth making a beeline for Isabela's supple neck. She only barely managed to stop him killing her outright. She shoved her hands onto his forehead, hating to touch the vile creature. Being pushed back, the hurlock could not get the killing bite it wanted. He sunk his teeth into Isabela's neck regardless, doing little more than drawing her blood.
The hurlock abandoned the thought of killing her, for now,
That was quick.
and pushed his rotten cock between her thighs.
You've already used used "rotten" as a descriptor. Either don't use it because your audience understands already or use another adjective. Or just stop writing. That one's my choice. I'm sad you didn't choose it also.
He forced it through her underwear, using enough force to tear the delicate undergarment apart.
Uh... that... can't happen. Her undergarments are not made of something that easily torn by a "rotten" cock. It's much more likely his cock would fall off than him ripping her undergarments off. I mean, seriously, let's think about this. A penis, even as hard as a penis could possible get, could not just rip panties all willy-nilly. A penis is not a knife. A penis is not a secret blade in a sheath. A penis is a soft fleshy member that can kind of get a little hard sometimes, but is never hard enough to rip or tear fabric. I would know because I have one, and I have never had to go through life saying, "Oh woe is me, I have just torn another pair of boxers and trousers because I became a little hard in the pants and tore right through them because my penis is incidentally also a knife." I have never had a girlfriend run from me crying out in agony, "Oh dear Lord, the penis, it has damaged me because it is so hard!" I'm not even talking sex here. I'm talking preliminaries and just living with a penis. It doesn't act like a knife. It doesn't become a knife. Again, a little hard sometimes. Can possibly be painful while in a vagina. Can possibly be uncomfortable in other orifices as well. Not know for tearing fabric.
And I'm not even mentioning that this darkspawn's penis is ROTTEN. I mean, it's described more than once as rotten. A rotten penis will probably not work correctly, nor will it be a knife, nor get hard enough to tear through ANY KIND OF FABRIC.
Mein Gott.
Maker, let it end now, Isabela pleaded as her pussy lips met his cock.
Wow, AlexandraS90, you are a piece of shit. You know that? This is a fucking rape-fic. I hope you know that. And in a rape-fic, I do not want to see this shit. This utterly horrid shit. I am only reading this fucking assballs writing because I'm making fun of it. The fact that you wrote this, wrote about a woman getting raped in a "serious" manner then wrote that last sentence in all seriousness... Fuck you. Fuck you for even thinking that this is worthy of any single human being reading it. If a fucking person enjoys this shit, they shouldn't even be considered human anymore. I mean, seriously. Come the fuck on. "Pussy lips?" Of all the terms in all the world, you have to go with that one? In a "serious" fic? Fuck you.
The sad thing is, people do enjoy it. Read this review from Virus Vescichetta and weep, humanity: "I don't see why anyone is complaining. This could have been WAY darker. Though, to be fair, the Internet and its dark corners have rendered me quite desensitized. As is I applaud the structure. Any grammar or spelling mistakes are minor and easily missed/ignored, which is more than can be said for 90% of the stories that get posted anywhere, so kudos on that." It's wonderful to know that somehow, somewhere our friend Virus is seeing things miles worse than this. I mean, this is barely on his radar as anything at all. You call this a torture-rape-necrophilia fic. Naw. I'll show you a REAL torture-rape-necrophilia fic. Let me just pull it out of this subfolder on my harddrive...
Or this one from JayDee: "I just cannot understand somebody seeing a summary like the story on this one, along with those codes and then - surely knowing they will not like it - reading it and complaining it made them feel ill. "gruesome fate" plus nec tag? What do they expect, a teddy bear's tea party?
Anyhow, I just read this over on GC and wondered if you had posted it here too. It really is a great little story, and Isabella having to be willingly killed to avoid a worse fate actually comes across as a little poignant amongst the violence. Nice dramatic characterisation there. Great rape scene and post death stuff too."
"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."
"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."
"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."
So, just remember, some people actually ENJOY this shit. "Poignant." It's fucking bullshittingly "poignant." I don't know if I should laugh or cry.
Hawke was faring no better. She couldn't move her legs anymore, and her staff had been dropped at her side, just too far away for her to grasp it. She couldn't believe what was happening as the darkspawn stripped her. One sidled behind her, yanking her legs up, to her agony, and spreading them apart.
It pounded into Hawke's virgin arsehole
You just wrote that, didn't you? Are you actively making fun of the subject? You're obviously not taking it seriously. I'm actually upset reading this. How can somebody take a subject like rape so flippantly? It's a sickening and awful thing, and in this story it's being treated like it should be erotic. Especially with terms like that floating around. Fuck that. Fuck this whole story. And fuck you, AlexandraS90, you pile of fecal dysentery excreted out of every orifice floating in the open sewage pit of the human condition. You should, as a human fucking being, know better than to write this. And you certainly shouldn't have published this for others to read. What the fuck do you get from that? Why would you have done this at all? But no, it seems like there are no depths to which you will not sink.
with the force of an archdemon. It thrust in and out relentlessly, the young mage shamefully pissed herself in fear.
I don't even want to comment anymore. This is literally disgusting and despicable.
Her demeaning rape
You FUCKING think!? You fucking think this is "demeaning?" You want to put that descriptor in there, saying the absolute FUCKING obvious? Fine. Fine. At least you know what we're all thinking.
continued. The hurlock was relentless! Hawke wondered if they did it for pleasure, or just to spread more misery in the world. As the blighted thing brought it's
"its" It's "its" you piece of shit. ITS ITS ITS ITS ITS.
And have fun with those exclamation points too. I'm sure it was a blast to write this like it's almost an actual sex scene. But those aren't hardcore enough for you, I suppose.
claws down on Hawke's broken back, tearing into the damaged flesh, she was sure it was the latter.
Other darkspawn converged on Hawke, fighting for her. Hawke felt a blessed moment's reprieve as the hurlock who'd crippled her was forced out, only to sink into despair as the one that had pushed him aside plunged into her. He was even bigger, and impossibly, even more brutal. The hurlock forced her legs wider and wider apart, hoping to hear the shattering sound of her legs breaking.
He got his wish before long. The sound of snapping bones made Isabela feel even more nauseous. Could see she
"she see" And let me add that I get the feeling that the author was enjoying writing this. Sick fuck.
Hawke's bloody, twisted legs, splaying out in crooked directions, she would have been pushed over the edge.
Isabela's darkspawn rapist continued to mercilessly abuse her, tearing her white garment and clawing at her skin. He brought his claws down across her chest, tearing a series of cuts down her bountiful right breast and onto her toned stomach.
Why are you using adjectives and descriptors? Are you trying to make this abomination of writing sexy? Because if you are, you have failed miserably. You failed so hard it isn't and will never be funny. Actually, it's sickening. I'm with Isabela here, nearly nauseous at what's going on, but more sickened that a human being, a person that I share a species with, would deign to write this. Look, unless you are some mad genius superimposing sexiness with sickening rape (and you aren't judging by the quality of the writing) this is not good nor will it ever be good. It is bad because it is so wrong and twisted.
Isabela managed to glance over, seeing Hawke's naked form being dropped, her broken legs slamming into the stone floor as the hurlock pulled out of her ass and strode over to her head. An enterprising genlock stole his place, anally raping the woman, who was half his size. It would be almost comical, were it not horrifying, Isabela thought.
Yes, I'm sure being raped is really funny. I'm sure it's a fucking laugh riot.
Hawke looked up at the hurlock standing in front of her. The evil beast placed a greaved foot on her dark hair, slowly forcing the mage's face to the stone. Hawke wanted to force her head up, to wipe the dust and pebbles from her face, but she was too broken to resist.
Isabela watched grimly as the hurlock raised his boot, giving Hawke a brief moment of false hope. He brought his heavy, metal foot down on Marian Hawke's skull. The young woman's head burst like a ripe watermelon, splattering brains, blood and skull fragments across the Deep Roads. A few bits of brain even managed to close the distance between Hawke and Isabela, spattering onto the pirate's boots as she fought to get free.
By the way, I'm out. This is actually getting me upset. I can't continue to comment on something that I find this distasteful.
The hurlock roared out to the other members of the warband, proclaiming his victory in whatever language the foul things spoke. The genlock continued to pound in and out of Hawke's ass, defiling the woman's body even beyond her death. The tightening of her arse as she'd been killed had driven the beast into a frenzy.
Isabela felt the armoured genlock pull out of her ravaged pussy, and flip her onto her stomach. She felt the friction of the Deep Roads against her exposed skin as she was slowly dragged down the passageway. At first, Isabela thought she was being taken to be mass raped, but as she passed the closest darkspawn, she found they largely ignored her, instead focusing on Hawke's still warm body. Why haven't they killed me?, Isabela thought. The pirate had heard terrible stories of darkspawn capturing women and turning them into terrible monsters. Isabela had assumed they were tall tales, fueled by ale, but she had no desire to find out.
Isabela retched as she was pulled past Hawke's body. Some darkspawn had resumed raping her, others tore into her flat stomach for food. She was almost sick as she noticed a genlock lifting the mage's foot to his mouth, chewing off her toes and sucking the blood down. At the same time, Isabela was becoming aware of another feeling of sickness in her, separate from the horror at witnessing these atrocities.
A few feet ahead of her, Isabela's eyes were drawn to the genlock she'd killed earlier. Her knife was still embedded in his face and she was being pulled right towards him! She had to take her chance.
She grasped out, using all the strength in her hands to pry the blade from the fallen darkspawn. She saw her darkspawn captor turn, sensing her moving. She aimed quickly, it was a difficult throw, but the rivani
"Rivaini." At least take the time to research what you're writing about. Go and look at the wiki. Or is your time so valuable you can't even do that?
woman was somewhat gifted.
She loosed the blade, watching it sail through the air and strike the hurlock in the neck. Understandably, he was too busy choking on his own blood to keep hold of the pirate. Isabela scrambled to her feet, turned tail and fled, sprinting as fast as her feet could carry her.
Isabela had to dodge arrows, bolts and dark magic as she fled. Somehow, the Maker was smiling on her enough that none of the darkspawn got a decent shot. She padded along, feeling deathly ill, managing to put enough distance between her and the darkspawn. Once she was a hundred or so feet away, most gave up, returning to feast on their prey. Only a couple of persistent predators followed Isabela through the metal door Hawke and her had found, seconds into their scouting.
------------------------------------------------------
"Well, that was a bust." Varric commented, as he and Carver returned to the fork in the road
"You didn't find anything, Messere Tethras?" Bodahn Feddic wondered.
"Oh, we found something. It just wasn't what we were looking for." Varric said, wiping a thick glob of spider's web from his duster and dropping it to the floor. "You're paying to have this coat cleaned, brother." Varric told Bartrand "I've got no idea what gets giant cobweb out..."
Bartrand was just about to voice a reply, when Carver spoke up, pointing out Isabela, who staggered towards the party, before dropping to the ground, exhausted.
Varric rushed forward, ending the encroaching darkspawn with a pair of well placed shots from Bianca.
"Isabela, what happened? Where's my sister?!" Carver demanded, kneeling by the pirate.
"I'm sorry Carver, they got her." She said, holding back a sob "I barely escaped."
"Bastards." Carver raged "I won't lose another sibling to them. I won't. She must be still alive, I-"
"Take it easy, junior. I'm sorry for your loss." Varric said "Hawke was a friend of mine, too. But rushing off into the Deep Roads won't bring her back. Besides, I think we have a more pressing matter to attend to." The dwarf gestured down to Isabela, who was fading in and out of consciousness.
Carver recognized it right away, the gaunt face, dead eyes and pale skin were all symptoms of the darkspawn taint. It was a slow and agonizing death, Carver thought.
"Isabela, do you know of the darkspawn corruption?" Carver asked. She nodded, coughing up a little blood.
"You want to know if I want to be put out of my misery?" Isabela croaked "I won't die a ghoul, Carver. Do it."
Carver nodded, sliding his greatsword from the sheath on his back.
"I'm sorry. If I could've traded places with Hawke, I would have." Isabela murmured, close to the end. She felt the cold steel pressed against her neck, saw Carver raise the blade, and felt a swift rush of pain as he brought the sharp two-handed sword down on her neck.
"Ancestors!" Varric cursed as Isabela's severed head slump to the ground. "This entire trip is a disaster."
"We can't afford to turn back, brother." Bartrand decided.
"Maker help us all." Carver sighed.
"Leave the human slut." Bartrand said disrespectfully. "We don't have the time or supplies to do anything with her."
Yeah, AlexandraS90, you are a despicable person. Your writing makes me sick to my stomach and upset to the point of wanting to throw this piece of shit story out. I'm a dude in my mid-twenties, and yet I have never felt this actually viscerally upset by anything I've read before. This rape-fic is literally the worst thing I have ever read. And Bartrand, although a bastard, is never that cold. I mean, seriously. You had to add that in there for a little twist of the knife, didn't you?
Reluctantly, the surviving members of the expedition turned left, venturing down the path that had led Hawke and Isabela to their dooms.
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A few hours later, Isabela's headless body was discovered by a small warband. They picked over the body. They stripped Isabela of her necklaces, rings and other jewellry,
It has to be either "jewelry" or "jewellery," not some Frankenstein combination of both words. That's not allowed.
ripping the piercings out of her dead flesh. Once they'd taken her gold items for trophies, they moved onto baser needs. Isabela's remaining limbs were severed, chewed to the bone by constantly ravenous monsters. Her limbless torso was used sexually, a bag for the beasts to take pleasure from until they ripped it apart for food.
The band's leader, a hurlock emissary, was the one to discover the head, not too far from the body. He lifted the rivani
"Rivaini"
pirate up to eye level, admiring her face. She would make a fine trophy. He cast a form of death magic on her, ensuring decomposition would never occur.
Isabela's head did not stay in the possession of the emissary. As the years passed, skirmishes between warbands would see her change hands every so often. Every darkspawn that possessed her would hang the trophy proudly from their belt, using the mouth for whatever depraved purposes they could imagine.
Isn't that a wonderful ending?
Just remember: "Great rape scene and post death stuff too."
