WIKI NO SENSE

Fear me, for I am your God.

So, another small update of a sort, and oh, what a sort it is. Good Lord are these creepy pastas sometimes absolutely ridiculous. Here's the link to the original. It's on the creepy pasta wiki, naturally. You don't know how snarkily I just said that. Just imagine a snarky man saying a snarky thing in the snarkiest way possible. I don't know the author, and I find the story so ridiculous that I don't really care who the author actually is. The story itself has a four out of five star rating. It's almost perfect. Remember that as you read it. This is a NEAR-PERFECT creepy pasta.

I was combing the bowels of the pastas and found this thing. Is it good? No, of course not. It would't be here if it were good. Is it bad? Well, it's not the worst, but I have no idea why someone would write or enjoy it. Yes, there are some that are leagues worse, but this is bad in an interesting way. This is crazy of me, I know, but I'd rather be frightened or entertained, not wondering why people need to jump to insane conclusions.

Also, I used to be a wiki contributor a good long while ago. I haven't posted a damn thing in years and years. So, maybe I'm a dead guy posting here. Or maybe life kind of got in the way of me having a good time editing articles. Huh, I wonder.

So, here it goes, Contributions:

Ever wonder why a wiki member will just disappear from a wiki, not posting activity for a year, or maybe several, before returning?

No. I assume real life came up. You know, maybe they married somebody, had a kid, started a new job, went to college, or simply had less time for writing things. It happens a great deal, believe it or not. Yes, not everybody is horribly murdered. Oh, did I spoil the story? Whoops.

Let me tell you why that is.

Regale me. I'm sure to be impressed by your "theories."

(No, I'm not.)

You see, these people are killed,

Uh... Well, I called it.

by who (whom), and why they do it, is unknown, maybe they're making money off of it, I don't know. 

What? Why would anybody be making money off of killing somebody to make them stop posting on a wiki? Or killing them when they decide to stop posting? That's literally an insane conspiracy theory idea. No actual person would actually do that. And if they did they wouldn't do it much. I think that's a fair assessment. These people could come from anywhere. So, unless the internet is killing them or some weird cult that's literally everywhere, I think we can rule this theory out completely out of sheer stupidity.

All that's known is that the people are, indeed, dead. 

So, this is a "fact," huh? Where's the evidence? Show me the dead contributors. SHOW ME THE BODIES.

The killer is usually an anonymous wiki contributor, who might leave a message on the victim's talk page, but usually doesn't. After about a year of background checks on the person, they'll take over the victim's wiki identity.

What? Why?

I'm sorry, but that makes no sense. Again, those two words. NO SENSE. Why would somebody take over another's wiki page by killing them? Wasn't the point of this article to explain why people no longer post? How can that be if their identities are stolen after they are killed? That would imply that they still post, and nobody would be the wiser. Right?

What is the point of the story?

Usually there are excuses, like how they got caught up in real life, or they got caught up in school, or they simply forgot about the wiki.

All valid excuses that non-crazy people would probably understand and accept. It's better to accept those explanations than jumping to the conclusions of identity-stealing theoretical murderers targeting wiki contributors that stop posting. Or whatever this story is trying to say.

Sometimes, those who have rage-quit a wiki will even be selected, as people who quit an internet community are prone to return. Now, these are, indeed, valid excuses. After all, they could be telling the truth. But some things cannot be found from the background checks – like, for example, chats on IRCs that only two people would know about, or phone calls, which aren't recorded.

What does that have to do with anything? Maybe it could be the people RETURNING after a HIATUS. Why does murder have to be involved? Why is the most outlandish solution the realistic and scary one? 

WIKI NO SENSE!

So next time one of your wiki-friends starts acting odd, next time it coincides with the anniversary of a death, well, who knows? They might be a wiki contributor.

WHAT!?

No, seriously, what? That doesn't even make any sense. What is that implying? Whose death anniversary are we talking about here? Abraham Lincoln? Pharaoh Ramses II, Jesus, David Carradine? The death of another wiki contributor? The death of an article? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Man, I'm so freaking confused. This article. This FOUR STAR article, mind you. It makes no actual sense. It implies crazy things, and mostly makes no sense. NO SENSE.