In honor of this fantastic display of geekery (largest in the country!), I've decided to do a fanfiction of one of the most successful geeky things of all time- Pokemon! This little series, originally begun in 1995, started as a pair of games for the original GameBoy console and has since spread into countless manga books, even more countless anime episodes, six generations of pocket monsters, and another twenty or so games beyond...
...Oh, and fanfictions. It spawned those, too. Lots of those.
I wanted to see how far down this particular rabbit hole went; I went back to some of the earliest Pokemon fanfiction I could find for this one.What follows is actually one of the earliest M-Rated Pokemon fics listed on fanfiction-dot-net, believe it or not, and was written back in May of 2000. That's right, readers- this fic may be older than some of you. Isn't that terrifying? It's terrifying for me. I remember when Pokemon first came out, and wow do I suddenly feel old.
Ugh. Just take this review while I try to make myself feel less like a grandmother at the tender age of twenty-four. Floppy discs? Pogs? CrazyBones? Sock'em Boppers? Anybody? *sob*
As always, the text of the actual fanfiction will be in blue and my commentary will be in black, and I'm going to run under the assumption that everyone reading this has some idea of what Pokemon is (and if you don't, you are way too young to be reading about me swearing copiously over terribly-written fanfiction. Go find a real Pokemon game and enjoy your childhood. Go. Shoo.).
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| ...The fuck does 'ambious' mean? Some bastardization of 'ambitious'? Some grievous misuse/mangling of a variant of 'ambient'? I'm usually great at translating misspellings, but this one has me stumped. Any thoughts? |
TR trilogy: Book 1 The Return, Prologue Stormy Nights, Broken Hearts
By: Raichu4ever
Greetings everyone, here is the new story: TR trilogy. Hope you like it.
...Admittedly, I'm curious what 'TR' stands for. Can anyone figure it out for me? Is it just the first two letters of 'Trilogy' slapped in there an extra time for impact?
Disclaimer: Pokemon and its associated characters are copyright by Nintendo, Game Freak, Creatures Inc, and 4Kids Productions.
I notice this sort of disclaimer on a lot of older fanfictions, and occasionally some current ones... Don't worry, writers, no one believes these series belong to you. It's okay. We know.
~*~*~
Prologue Stormy Nights, Broken Hearts
It was a dark and stormy night as Misty Water flower walked down the wet sidewalk.
I actually had to look this up- Misty does have a last name, and it is indeed 'Waterflower,' who would've thought? It's literally never mentioned in the American anime ever, but in the Japanese anime she refers to herself as 'Kasumi Yawa,' which translates to 'Misty Waterflower.' The more you know! ...Still shouldn't have that weird space in there, though.
And if you really expect me to take this fic seriously, especially when it begins with "It was a dark and stormy night," then you have another thing coming. Specifically, you have a snarky review coming. Right here. Right now.
Three years ago, this was the place Ash Ketchum had last been seen. Today her feelings were just like the soggy and humid weather outside.
...Her feelings were soggy and humid? Was she hot and uncomfortable? Sweaty? Gross? That's the impression I'm getting, and it's kinda icky.
True, the disappearance of Ash had torn her heart. Tears coursed down her checks as she remembered the young Pokemon Master. So young and full of energy, never giving up
I just went off on another fic for not including periods, and it's still a sensitive topic for me. Don't test me, Raichu4Ever. ...Or, wait, is it LavenderWhispers? Weird.
How could he be dead?
Woah, woah, woah, all you mentioned was 'last seen;' where is 'dead' coming from? Did he literally croak on the spot she's standing?
Misty's mind silently demanded. Demanded silently to no one, to nothing.
It did so silently and demandingly. It demanded in a silent manner. Quietly, silently, it demanded. You said it once we get it please stop
Misty pushed aside those forgotten feelings
Clearly, those feelings were not forgotten. They were like the everyday weather, they were so much not forgotten.
and continued onward to her destination...
~*~*~
To be continued...
Wait, where is her destination? That's not a good cliffhanger, that's being an asshole.
~*~*~
Okay, I'm just started. But this story is going to be one of my masterpieces. Stay tuned for Chapter 1 The Revenge of Team Rocket. Signing off Raichu4ever
...That's it? Really?
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| ...Oh. Well, alright then. I guess. I've got more material to work with, at least. |
I guess we'll go over the revised prologue, then, and see if any of the nit-picking I did had been improved on (well before I even nit-picked it!)...
My guess is... it won't be.
Also, I'm cutting out the disclaimer from the revised prologue since it's completely pointless and I don't care about it in the slightest.
Prologue The Stormy Nights
It was a dark and stormy night as Misty Waterflower walked down the wet sidewalk. Three years ago, this was the place Ash Ketchum had last been seen. Today her feelings we just like the soggy and humid weather outside. True, the disappearance of Ash had torn her heart. She had spent many nights like this, alone and afraid. Tears coursed down her checks as she remembered the young Pokemon Master. So young and full of energy, never giving up (-) How could he be dead? Misty's mind silently demanded. Demanded silently to no one, to nothing. Misty pushed aside those forgotten feelings and continued onward to her destination...
(~*~*~)
To be continued...
Look I HAD to revise it because the story titles were a bit screwed up. So look out for Chapter 1 The Plan.
...I highlighted every single difference between the original and the revision. See? This doesn't seem very... 'revised.' Like, at all. The stuff in parenthesis was actually removed between the first and second versions. ...At least they corrected the spacing in 'Waterflower?' I guess?
I mean, alright, it's spelled correctly throughout, and the grammar is fairly... okay. I do, however, admit to being completely baffled at the reasoning behind making this a 'Mature' rating. It's not explicit in any way. It's just-
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| -Yeah. That. Completely. |
Nothing about this is worth censoring. It's so bland that I don't even feel compelled to tell the author off, or to beg them to stop writing- they've done that on their own. After the 'Chapter One' story that Raichu4Ever posted, there's been nothing... For over fifteen years.
So this is it, folks. The last bit of writing that Raichu4Ever has ever posted online. We must enshrine this last effort in some dim hope that they will, one day, return to us with Chapter 2.
TR Trilogy: Book 1 The Return, Chapter 1 The Plan
By: Raichu4ever
Okay, if you're going to keep telling us that it's 'Book 1', Raichu4Ever, then we're kinda going to expect a 'Book 2'. Or a Chapter 2! Anything!
Hello, everybody. Sorry the story is going so slooooooow, it's just that our teacher is STILL giving us homework. Anyway here is a list of fanfics I've written
Oh no, homework! How dare teachers assign homework! I mean, after 15 years, you think they would stop assigning homework at some point. Assuming you wrote this in, say, third grade, I sincerely they don't still give you afterschool assignments in grade 18. Just saying. just to clarify, no, grade 18 does not exist. i was being sarcastic.
Disclaimer: Pokemon and its associated characters are copyright by Nintendo, Game Freak, Creatures Inc, and 4Kids Productions.
STOP IT WE KNOW POKEMON DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU
Chapter The Plan
You really, really seem to have a thing for repeating yourself. I think you tend to say things twice, Raichu4Ever. Perhaps you even repeat yourself.
In the most deepest
I was trying to be funny about the redundancy but now I'm ready to cry.
and darkest room of the Team Rocket Mansion was the Boss, Giovanni, and in front of him was Team Rocket's most dangerous member. But soon he would show the world his face.
But soon... who would show his face? The Rocket Member? Giovanni?
"You will go and make sure they all believe every word you say. But of course, they're too stupid to notice the little details. Then you will lead them into the trap."
Uhh... what?
"Make a nebulous, non-specific 'them' believe everything you say, and it doesn't matter if 'they' don't believe you because fuck small details. Then, it's UNSPECIFIED TRAP TIME because clearly traps are bad and even if I don't explicitly state what, how, and why we're trapping 'them,'then people will still understand that I am an asshole supervillain. The author even said that we were the most dangerous, and also incredibly dangerous."
Giovanni finished and glanced down at the figure. "Do you understand?" he asked with a dangerous voice.
"No. Can you repeat that?"
The figure made no sound, but grinded his teeth together and stared hard at his fist. Obviously deep in thought.
"Man, I really hate this guy, he always says things twice. It's super-repetitive. If he does it again, I'm gonna glare SO HARD in his direction..."
Giovanni had no such patience.
"AM I UNDERSTOOD!?!" he thundered.
"Fuck this."
The Rocket looked up and stared Giovanni directly in the eye, sending a shiver down his own boss's spine. For he was the most deadliest,
Oh my fuck
the most swiftest,
OH MY FUCK
and most dangerous
OH MY FUCK
of them all. And basically could commit perfect crimes.
PERFECT GRAMMAR CRIMES I MEAN LOOK AT THIS SHIT AND ALSO GAZE UPON THIS EXCREMENT AND ALSO STARE AT THIS FECAL MATTER
"Yes understood." The Rocket replied in a cold, sinister voice.
The Boss smiled. He was finally going to teach the world a lesson. And he had the weapon to do it with. The world would finally learn to fear him. Giovanni and Team Rocket!
...Wait, okay, remind me why Giovanni is trying to teach the world a lesson? Is the weapon a single dude? Why isn't it a Pokemon, isn't that what Team Rocket is...about? Using Pokemon to make people's lives miserable?
Yes, I know its a bit short, but the other chapters will be larger. I PROMISE.
...Holy shit, is it already over?
Its just that our teacher is still giving us mucho, mucho homework.
YOU ALREADY SAID THAT AKSNFJLAVBASKFBNV
Signing off. Visit TR Trilogy's pathetic excuse for a web site. (here, a website is listed in the fic, but DON'T TRY IT, I did and it is SO JAMMED WITH SPYWARE AND MALWARE) (But the website ain't pathetic at all!) But it's under major construction. And yes I spell horrid.
...Raichu4Ever, you honestly spell fine. I think you had a single word misspelled in your entire 3 chapters (a new badfic record)!
No, spelling isn't your problem. You don't have any issues when it comes to arranging letters correctly. You're completely capable of correctly placing the alphabet in sequence to form words. You've got no difficulties with orthography.
Your main issues lie, Raichu4Ever- and pay attention, I will only say this once more- your main issues lie in redundancy.
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| Now get back here and write all of these fanfictions you promised us! |
And! Just wanted to say YO to anyone headed to NYCC! Shoot us a comment or a message, it would be pretty daggum sweet to meet a reader or two in the disgusting throngs of grand nerdiness and geekery. We're planning on dressing up each day and doing the whole cosplay thing (we're kinda stupidly into it), so keep your eyes out! :D Hope to see you there!
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