"That was stramgely erotic" Vivisection: The Avengers' Way

Hey, everybody! We're on a roll here, trying to write up a review a week, and I feel like doing something a little different. Yes. Different.

So, here's the thing dear, sweet readers: I do not like The Avengers. I do not like Marvel in general. I didn't enjoy the movie(s), the comics, or anything in between. Just kind of a personal thing, I guess. My biased opinion won't come in to play here anyway. I mostly wanted to add that to do nothing else than annoy any fans out there as well as to mention that I actually know a good deal about the content despite hating the characters, plots, etc. I assume this is because I am insane. Yes. Because a sane person would be reading and reviewing these terrible pieces of "work" that people call "writing."

How can I not be insane at this point anyway? There must be something wrong with me to read these terrible, horrid fanfictions and then get some perverse pleasure from ripping them apart until nothing is left but the sinewy underlayer. 

Wait. 

Oh, dear. I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, the picture I chose for the header tells you all of the beauty we are in store for. Science is right, Iron Man and the Hulk. Science is right. So, vivisection. Have you heard of it? I have actually performed it. I was a biology major in school. Fun fun, right? Sure, doing it on earthworms or frogs or whatever weird little creature you can find, that's one thing. Doing it on a person? That's something entirely different. If you don't know what vivisection is, well here it is in a nutshell: it is cutting somebody or something open while that creature or person is still alive, usually still conscious. I... can't even use a picture to describe vivisection because they are all far too graphic for even my tastes. Suffice it to say that you should not Google Image search the term vivisection. It is not a good idea. Fair warning.

Anyway, let's get the real show on the road. NoOneShallKnow gives us the brilliant 894 word story, "Proper tools." This- you know what? I'm posting a little bit about the author first. So, story will be in red, reviews in green, and any other info will be in blue. My thoughts and words will be in standard black.

My name is Jasmine. I'll be eighteen in April. I've been writing fanfiction (mostly porn) since I was twelve

Twelve?  Again?
What is it with twelve year olds and porn?

and I'm aware that it's mediocre at best. So are my drawings.

Well, I won't judge your drawings.

GENERAL DISCLAIMER: I don't own any part of anything I write for, other than the work of fiction itself. 

So, what you're saying is that you only own the fiction you've written while not actually owning any of it at all? NoOneShallKnow, you're a self-contradiction.

I get no money out of it, which is probably why I'm broke (well, also because I'm jobless, but whatever.)

I haven't posted anything in two years. Because I haven't written anything in two years. I'm working on it, but my brain doesn't want to co-operate. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Well, you wrote this gem last July. So, you must have started writing again. It's a miracle for everyone.

Just the light glinting off the edge of the scalpel's blade sent shivers down Bruce's spine, shivers he didn't quite feel but knew in the play of muscle against the cold table. 

So, he couldn't feel the shiver, but knew he was shivering because of... reasons? Not quite sure what you're trying to get at here, NoOneShallKnow. I assume you have no idea what you're talking about.

He licked his lips, watching as Tony stepped forward, body rippling 

Rippling? Does that mean he's shivering too? Not quite sure I've ever seen a body ripple before. Pray tell, mademoiselle, what does a person rippling look like? Can you describe it in more than one word? Or is it just the idea of a man with muscles having muscles? Because that's what it seems to often mean in these types of "works," even when the term does not mean what people think it means. I assume that a "rippling" man would be shaking and shivering all over constantly.

beneath the tight black and blue under-suit modified to absorb radiation. Bruce's eyes caught on the sharp line of a hip bone, rolling so perfectly within its joint, working seamlessly with Tony's spine to make his gait a thing of wonder.

Why are you describing this? Does any ANY person think that about another person? Have I ever seen an attractive female person and just gone, "Dear Lord, I am seeing your hip bone! That work of art hip bone works superbly with your spine! I mean, how aren't you just liquid grace right now? You must be the essence of a goddess!" No. I have not and never will because that is literally one of the stupidest things I have ever read in my entire life.

Tony stopped beside the lab table, brushing the heel of his hand over Bruce's shoulder as he moved to drag his fingertips over the dotted lines forming an uppercase "Y" on his torso, ending just above his belly button -which, Tony thought absently, was much too adorable to be normal.

I- I can't even grasp what must being going through a human head to think, "Boy oh boy, navels sure are attractive. I should write about a character thinking that about another character. It would be totally hot."

Look, hip bones and navels are not attractive portions of the human body. I have never heard of a single person having navel or hip bone fetishes. That is because nobody has them. It's fucking abnormal for everybody involved.

"Feel that?" he pressed down hard. A shake of the head. He dug a nail in. Another shake, this one with an indecisive little frown.

Yes, we know. Anaesthetic. Obviously. We're not idiots. You don't need to literally spell it out.

"Want more?" Bruce saw Tony's eyes flick over to the table and the prepped syringe on the metal tray beside a multitude of scalpels, a balisong -they were going to have a talk later about proper tools when Bruce could focus again- and forceps with colorful rubber bands already loose around them.

A balisong? Why? For any of you who don't know, a balisong is a butterfly knife. I have no idea why one is on an operating table.

"No."

...


.........

......Is- is it over? Can I stop reading now?

No, it's not by the way. I hope you don't lose your bile, by the way. The next part is, as the author puts it: They just got a bit curious. It wasn't supposed to go down this path. THIS IS A WARNING FOR EXPLICIT VIVISECTION.

Tony stared him down for another few moments before relaxing his shoulders with a nod, tugging the mask over his nose and mouth and bringing the scalpel to the left branch of the "Y." Bruce took in a deep breath and as he let it flow back out, Tony pushed down and dragged, tilting his hand at the last second to continue down the stem. He paused, watching the blood run from the cuts to pool in the hollow of Bruce's throat and drip from his shoulders onto the table. He bit the inside of his cheek and moved quickly to make the last incision, setting the bloody tool aside.

With a twitch of his fingers Tony called up a holo-screen. Bruce watched the program they'd written just days before start up and begin scanning in his peripheral vision, eyes following Tony as the man grabbed the forceps, gently pressing them on either side of the flaps of skin, tightening the rubber bands and pulling them back to open him to the sterilized lab air.

Bruce watched an almost tentative gloved finger press at his sternum, dragging through the blood to reveal the stark white of the bone before moving off to the side, pushing against the cartilage connecting it to his ribs. Tony's tongue darted out to run over his bottom lip and Bruce ground his teeth to muffle his moan.

What? Why? I don't want to know the answer. Is anybody else feeling uncomfortable? I'm feeling uncomfortable.

Tony looked awed, splaying his fingers wide over Bruce's ribs and pressing lightly with his entire hand to feel his lungs expand, watching his diaphragm move his liver lightly up and down. He trailed down to the slick bulge of his stomach, cupping it in his palm, closing his eyes to focus on the heat through the thin glove. When he opened them again, he looked up to find Bruce's eyes locked on his, cheeks flushed a soft pink, bottom lip bitten red.

How- HOW- is this sexual or attractive in any single FUCKING way? I mean, sure, I can almost see certain fetishes, whatever, but a vivisection fetish? Does any person like that kind of shit who isn't a serial killer? Or a potential one?

He grinned, rubbing along the edge of a rib to gather a drop of blood and smear it between his thumb and index finger. Bruce felt a faint coil of arousal

Fuck. FUCK. 

No.

Fucking no.

Nope.

No, just no. There is no arousal. THERE IS NO AROUSAL. Fuck. Come on, NoOneShallKnow, are you actually serious? Are you for real? This- this can't be for real. My thoughts would not be going, "Jeez, I am cut open right now, time to get stiff." My thoughts would be, "OH shit oh shit oh holy fuck shit shit shit." I would not be coherent so much as terrified and... no.

and wondered if Tony could see it inside him, a pressurized ball of heat that, under the effect of the numbing agent he'd been injected with, felt more like the tingling sensation of being touched after standing out in the cold.

The cold scientific thought of it is what gets to me. Let me tell you something, Jasmine. I'm going to use your supposed real name here because I'm reading this and that makes me privy to some of the sickening inner workings of your brain. 

Jasmine, your writing of this topic in such detail makes this more than a little creepy. You seem to be intelligent. Your grammar and writing are not poor In fact I have not mocked you for either, which is more than I can say about anybody else featured on this blog. You have an understanding of vivisection that I assume not many people do. I mean, it's weird knowledge, but it's still knowledge. So, I assume you're not stupid. And you seem to be decent at the whole writing thing. 

But this is what you want to write? This is what you choose to use your knowledge for? This is like something a deranged psychopath would write. And the cold precision of your words just makes me shudder even more so. This is what gets you hot under the covers? This is what you want to focus your free time on? And mixing it with arousal just makes the entire thing feel wrong. You can and should be doing better, concentrating on something that isn't weird and really nasty porn.

Also, how does he know he's aroused if he can't feel? 

Tony wanted to keep playing and Bruce very, very much wanted the same 

Play?

What.

NoOneShallKnow, this is really awful. Nobody wants these things that you're writing about these characters wanting.

-wanted to watch Tony cut through the cartilage holding his ribs to his sternum and crack his ribcage apart, open him up completely, push rough against his lungs to hinder his breathing, curl his fingers beneath and around his heart and feel it beat, speed up and up and up- but they couldn't, had to stop before Bruce lost enough blood to force the Hulk out and into a rage.

"Ready?"

This is your fucking concept? This is the brilliance of the vivisection idea? Oh, the Hulk can heal up. What if fucking Iron Man and the Hulk had a weird fetish thing going on despite the fact that neither has EVER shown the slightest amount of sexual interest in one another, and Iron Man, at least, seems to be clearly taken. He's also canonically very into ladies, not cut-open men or cutting open men, you sicko. 

So, please, what the fuck is the point of writing this sexual pairing in this fucked up and awful way?

Bruce didn't answer, just took a deep breath that pulled a groan from deep in Tony's chest 

Bruce Banner just took a deep breath that pulled a groan from Tony Stark?

So...

The breath was literally so deep that it came out of another person? Is that what I'm understanding here?

and spread his mind thin like a spiderweb, letting Hulk seep forward to fill in the gaps.

No. Your analogy license is revoked. Get out. You can use them again when you aren't writing this shit.

He wanted to watch Tony but couldn't not

A DOUBLE NEGATIVE. Sorry, it's not bad grammar exactly, but it sounds so stupid. Say it out loud. "He couldn't not..." See, you sound stupid.

look into his own body, watch the blood run slower and greener, bones going minty and growing. He reached to remove the forceps himself, knowing Tony couldn't be trusted to do much of anything at that point.

What in the flying fuck is Tony Stark doing? Is he masturbating furiously in the corner? is he so entranced by transformation while vivisected that he just needs to masturbate to it? That's the idea I'm getting.

And just the sight of Bruce's fingers brushing over his own muscle and bone and and and-

Tony couldn't think, could hardly breathe as he collapsed against the table and palmed himself

"Palmed himself?"

Did- did Tony Stark just facepalm?

Because that is all I can imagine right now. Bruce Banner is hulking out and Iron Man is facepalming at the indignity.

I honestly have never heard the term "palming oneself." That's a new way to say something as simple as "he jerked off."

through his hazmat suit, ducking his head to watch Bruce's skin go green and seal up before flushing pink again, the gorgeous thing he'd been inside just moments before -oh god oh god- whole once more and Tony wanted desperately to lick the faint silver scars. 

Lick?

...


I think I just became violently ill.

Excuse me while I puke forever.

He went to do just that but Bruce pushed himself up and forward, pulling his mask down to bite into his mouth and griping his face with bloodied fingers.

"Griping," eh? Missing a "p" there. Glad you screwed up actually. I needed to see something other than that. And seeing a spelling mistake doesn't make my bile rise.








...usually.

"Next time, I want to feel it all, want you to touch my heart, god Tony I want you so mu-"

And Tony lost himself.

So, he came? Okay.

Well, that was pretty awful. Let's start with the positives.

...

....

Yeah, okay, uh- well, NoBodyGonnaKnowNothin, you can write decently. You have decent control of both spelling and grammar. You can string sentences together into things that are called paragraphs. For that, I have to praise you. I've seen far too many of these things that don't have proper understanding of spelling, grammar, language, or writing. At least you know the basics of not screwing up the easy stuff.

That's all for the positives, I'm afraid.

NoOwensAllowed, you are writing terrible content that is appealing to no sane individuals. The characters do not matter. That these are Avengers' characters doesn't matter except for the self-healing Hulk. The characters act nothing like their characters in any way, shape, or form. This is pure smut and disgusting shit without context or content. And the smut is only ever implied, not even spelled out in real words and terms that actual humans use but rather with slightly off-kilter poetic language. I mean, seriously? "Palming?" Seriously?

Okay, I'm done with you AllMustKnow.

Now, for reviews!

Lotus-brody is heaping on the praise: Reading again and holy cow... erotic, such an unusual idea. As usual, you take words and spin a beautiful vision, just enough description to paint a haunting picture. Wow.

"A haunting picture?" Really? Have you ever read anything besides shitty fanfictions? There is no haunting picture here, you sick fuck. This is a weird and brutal fucked-up trying-to-be erotic "story" that should never and will never be erotic. It is decently written, but has no purpose, no deeper meaning, no anything at all. While the idea is certainly different, it is not erotic. How could one call Tony furiously palming himself while the Hulk heals on an operating table "erotic?" Fucked up will always be mre like it.

MoonyDanny is... excited. Wow. I mean... Wow! You managed to make a seemingly disgusting thing into a strangely intriguing and shockingly erotic situation. 

Amazing. :) 

"Shockingly erotic?" Are- ar eyou actually serious? This is awful and weird. There is nothing erotic about this. At no point did I suddenly find myself hard and furiously masturbating to this. At no point will any sane person find themselves aroused by this material. In fact, I was sure this writer had to be a troll-writer at first, writing this to prove a point or something, but there is no way with this kind of response. You guys are all sick. This is not a good thign to enjoy. It is not only not socially acceptable, it is wholly disturbing on every single level.

SniperKingSogeking0341 says what we're all thinking: ...Excuse me...I'll be in my bunk...*p*

I'm not even going to comment on that one.

Mistresofmordor: That was stramgely erotic. I kind of want more of it.

That was stramgely erotic.

stramgely

And of course, how could we forget the most loyal of readers, SugaBee? I loved it. The vision was so real, your words so picturesque and beautifully dark, and you absolutely did a marvelous job with the emotions these two have, 

Emotions? Are you fucking serious? 

No, I really need to know. Are you fucking serious?

What the fuck emotions did you see? Because all I got was two people getting off in the most fucked-up way without any fucking character development, set-up, or pay-off. Out of character sex doesn't even BEGIN to describe what the fuck this is. This is not simply out of character, nor is it simply sex. This is something infinitely worse in every single way. 

We didn't fucking see any-fucking-thing that would lead me to fucking believe that these fucking cardboard cut-outs called "characters" in a weird fetish fanfic are anything more than fucking flatworms in terms of their fucking emotional depths. Pain, gore, and weird fetishes. That's really fucking deep. My mind is fucking totally blown. It's like I'm seeing a whole fucking new world of possibilities. 

Your comment, SugaBee, has finally made me see the error of my ways. I see that NobodyIsReal- or whatever the fuck the author calls herself- is an actual genius of the genre. She has given the world a perfect narrative about love, lust, and how far one is willing to go to make their lover happy. You all have no idea what the fuck perfection even is until you read this fucking 894 word story about Tony Fucking Stark and Bruce Shitting Banner blushing, being slightly aroused at incredibly fucked-up serial killer-like shit, and "palming" the fuck out of themselves- whatever the flying flipping farting fuck that fucking is supposed to fucking mean.

Fuck.

You know something? All the writers of the world? Pack it up. We've seen poetic perfection on the grandest of scales. A vivisection Avengers' fanfiction has literally transcended all other forms of fiction. Aren't you fucking proud of yourselves? Fanfiction is now a legitimate artform. Let's go shart fucking rainbows and puke up bunny rabbits because that's what we all fucking deserve for even deigning to grace our eyes with this beautiful work of fiction that NoOneShallKnow has brought to us just as Moses brought the Ten Commandments down from Sinai.

Get the fuck out.

No. Even better. I'm leaving.

Fuck this.

you turned something as stomach wrenching as a vivisection into something poetic, something shockingly intriguing. 

You trully have a gift, and have become my fave author. :)

Your loyal reader,
Suga Bee

It Would Have Sounded Arousing Had it Not Been Used in Rape: A Kung-Fu Panda Fanfic

Original artist kept anonymous, signature removed. You're welcome.

That’s right, folks, you read that correctly. It’s CGeez again with another hilariously terrible installment into the Sassy Archives. This fic, brought to us by Mitchicus, describes the violent (cliché?) rape of Tigress, one of Po’s companions in Kung-Fu Panda and Kung-Fu Panda II.

This is Tigress. She’s a viciously cold badass, for being in an animated Jack Black movie. This piece was done by stasysolitude on deviantart, and boy is it pretty.

I saw the first movie in this series and I have to admit, I liked it. There were a few very stereotypical plot moves, but hey- it’s a Dreamworks film about a martial-art-savvy panda, of all things, so I wasn’t expecting Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon levels of amazing. It was cute and funny and cliché, but I enjoyed it- Tigress especially, since she was that ass-kicking character whose approval has to be won over with a huge amount of effort. This fic is set, I think, in the second movie’s timeline. Now, I didn’t see the second movie, but what I gathered from the first few paragraphs tells me that everything leading up to this scene is pretty much spelled out in the film. My comments will be in black, the fanfic itself will be in blue.

Now- welcome, dear readers, to Kung Fu Panda: Purity Lost by Mitchicus.

"No!" Tigress shouted as Po was shot out of the factory and was sent into the water outside.

She fell to her knees and bowed her head, thinking that she had gotten her friend killed. The wolves overpowered the rest of the Five and they all were chained in eight-point acupuncture cuffs. They were brought upstairs to Shen's quarters, where the peacock and the wolf boss stood. The wolf, though Shen was in charge, had some authority. He ordered the wolves to do what he wished when he got the chance, and he would do anything that he could for himself unless Lord Shen told him otherwise.

The peacock laughed evilly. "The legendary warrior that is destined to defeat me is now dead!" The Five said nothing, and made no eye contact with the peacock. "I see. You all are heartbroken that your fat panda has perished. Cute, it shows that you must all be true fools to befriend that bumbling panda."

"He was a greater man than you will ever be." Tigress said looking up at him and growling.

Shen laughed again. "But he is dead now. I survived, foolish tiger." The peacock turned to the wolf boss. "Do what you wish with them, I don't have the time or the patience to deal with them." Shen said turning from them, and the wolves took the Five back out of Shen's quarters.

And you know what, up to here, it’s okay. Not good, but mediocre and acceptable. Assuming you’re familiar with the movie, you know the setup to this scene. It’s even potentially canon, who knows, I don’t. The writing is amateur, but again, it doesn’t entirely suck. The syntax just doesn’t vary much and it’s really not too descriptive, but there’s no real crime committed worthy of landing it on this blog yet. …Yet.

The wolf boss, whose name was Adolfo, took a sword from a nearby soldier and walked towards the Five. He raised his sword, and Tigress acted.

You know what bugs me? We’re told the wolf boss’s name here, and it is literally never mentioned again in the entire fic. Ever. I mean, at least the peacock’s name was used… five, six… seven times. This guy- Adolfo- is only called by name once even though he has way more screen time than does his boss. If I were him, I’d lodge a complaint… or maybe he could petition to get his name removed from this fic entirely, that might be ideal.

"Please, do whatever you wish with me but don't hurt them!" Tigress pleaded.

Viper tried to stop her sister. "Tigress, please don't-"

"I have to!" Tigress said to her, and then she turned back to the wolf. "Do what you wish with me, just spare them."

The wolf considered this and then got an idea. He grinned and gave the sword back to the soldier he had taken it from.

Seriously? You’re writing a sexy fanfic about furry characters written for the twelve-year-old demographic and you’re doing this to introduce the rape? If I hadn’t already lost all respect for you, Mitchicus, I might have been a little ashamed right there.

"Alright tiger, I accept your request." The wolf said pulling her to her feet and grabbing her by the arm.

Yes, because as a villan it’s really intelligent to just release four of your most dangerous opponents just because you bargained to get some unwilling poon. Good priorities. This is also the mark of a Mary-Sue; unless there is a logical explanation for a character to be useful/desirable to this antagonist, there’s really shit motivation for them to just drop everything else and honor a flimsy bargain just for the sake of fucking a prisoner that’s already at their mercy. Just saying.

Tigress was frightened and looked back at the others. They believed that they were watching her go to her death.

The wolf pulled her into another room and threw her onto a bed. The wolf with the boss pulled off her cuffs only to put new chains on her arms, strapping her to the bed. They forced Tigress onto her back and the wolf boss grinned.

"Leave us." The wolf boss said, and the wolf left the room and closed the door behind him.

That is a lot of wolves to deal with. Maybe if you, I don’t know, called one of them by name, some confusion might be cleared up. Or maybe, if we’re really shooting for the moon here, maybe you might consider not writing sexyfics anymore. About anyone. Ever.

...Well, shit.

Tigress looked up at him in fear and the wolf's grin widened. He got on top of her and forcefully kissed her, which lasted for several moments. He broke the kiss and pulled off the armor on his chest, revealing his fur there.

One, he’s a wolf. There’s fur everywhere. Two… He’s a WOLF. How does he kiss a tiger? They both have muzzles. Does that mean he awkwardly mashed the tip of his nose against hers? Or maybe he just forcibly licked all around her face for several moments. Vicious.

The feline knew what was happening to her. 

No fucking duh.

The wolf unstitched her vest and opened it, revealing her A cup breasts.

Question: why is the size of her breasts important? Answer: it isn’t. Not only does it make the sentence awkward, it makes you a bit messed-up in the head for trying to make this sexy. Stop.

Tigress tried to pull away from him but the chains held her in place. The wolf began licking her right breast and squeezing her left. All Tigress could do was growl in fear and hate. He sucked on her nipple and bit it, causing her to jolt.

This has to be the shortest, most boring description of non-penetrative rape that I’ve ever seen in a badfic. Also, you’re missing a comma before ‘but’ in that first sentence.

He laughed to himself and stepped off of her. He then pulled off her pants and threw them to the side, revealing her virgin mound.

‘Virgin mound’ must be the least sexy way you could possibly have put that. Also, how did he take her pants off if she’s chained to the bed? If he didn’t chain her feet up, why didn’t she kick Adolfo in his furry balls? …She /does/ know martial-arts, right?

The wolf looked at it as he pulled off his pants, now standing completely naked.

"Please, don't take my virginity!" Tigress begged. "Take me in the ass or the mouth but not my pussy!"

“Oh, well, if I /have/ to… I guess I could take you up the ass, I mean, I was really hoping for the pussy. But not the mouth, because you’re a tiger and have a lot of dangerously pointy teeth that I really don’t want anywhere near my doggy dick. Also haha I’m so clever, I said ‘pussy’ and you’re a cat. It’s a pun, see?”

"We had an agreement, and you can't turn back on it." The wolf boss said as he positioned his now rock hard member at her entrance.

"No!" Tigress yelled as she felt sharp pain in her insides as the wolf's member entered her.

I hate when people use the word ‘member’ and expect to be taken seriously. I mean, you even said ‘pussy’, but you refuse to say ‘dick’ or ‘cock,’ or even ‘crotch’! It just pisses me off, because it’s a really stupid censor and people need to grow up. If you’re gonna write porn, you should be comfortable naming all the body parts involved.

Suddenly, he pulled out of her, before he could take her virginity. Tigress had hope…but that was crushed when he slammed his entire length into her with one thrust, popping her cherry and taking her virginity forever. Tigress' eyes widened and she screamed, for she was now in great pain and she knew that her virginity was gone forever.

Yep, let’s just pass right over the fact that you’re being forced to have sex against your will and skip right to ‘MY VIRGINITY IS GONE OH SHIT’. This is clearly the bigger problem in this situation, and requires your immediate attention and emphasis that, yes, it’s gone FOREVER. …Twice.

The wolf did not stop for her to recover or anything.

Oh, but I thought he was such a nice guy…

Once he had entered her, he picked up the pace of his thrusts. His member slid in and out of her depths, shaping them to his member. Waves of pleasure shot through his body as her once virgin insides rubbed against his monstrous member.

I want to count how many times the word ‘member’ is used; we’re at… five, so far. I’ll keep track.

His testicles slapped against her mound, making a sound that would have sounded arousing had it not been used in rape.

…I’m going to let that sentence stand on its own so we can marvel at it like it’s some museum exhibit. Let’s lock it behind a glass wall so no one ever has to go near it, but we can all stare at just how special this sentence truly is. I don’t even have words.

He pulled all but the head of his member out-

Six.

-and then shoved it back in with great force, and he picked up the pace of his thrusts even more. Tigress' eyes were filled with horror, and the wolf's were filled with lust. Blood dripped out of her crevice and onto the covers of the bed because of her cherry being popped.

Thank you for that explanation, Mitchicus. I was expecting chocolate sauce to be ‘dripping out of her crevice’ from the cherry-poppage, but you cleared that right up.

He shot precum into her depths, lubricating his member even more. His thrusts became faster and deeper.

"How does it feel Master Tigress, to have your virginity taken during your rape?" The boss asked the feline, and she made no reply.

Seven. And when you’re addressing someone in a sentence, you surround their name with commas. Example: “Your story, Mitchicus, really should be re-written or deleted entirely.”

As punishment and to add greater pleasure to himself, he grabbed a hold of both of her breasts with his hands, digging his claws into her round breasts.

“I am adding greater pleasure to myself!” Adolfo exclaimed as he kept on humping. “Your A-cup breasts are very round!”

Tigress yelped and watched as blood began to flow down her chest from the wolf grabbing her with his claws. He grinned at the sight of her blood and began to grunt as he drove deeper and deeper into the feline.

He felt the need to release begin to overcome him, and he picked up his pace. Suddenly, he slipped the knot of his member into her as well. Tigress screamed as even more pain found her, and the two were linked together.

Eigh-

His member began to throb, and precum continued to spill into her depths. Tigress felt him throbbing and laid her head back, defeated by the wolf.

-…Nine.

The wolf drove as deep as he could go into her and howled as loads and loads of his seed shot deep into her, sticking to her insides. Tigress groaned and closed her eyes, wishing that Po was alive and that he would have stopped this from happening. He fired three more long spurts and then began to fire less and less into her. Soon his orgasm was over and they now were stuck together.

Two of the four sentences in that paragraph detailed how much semen was being pumped into a tiger’s vagina. I hope you people enjoyed yourselves, reading that. Loads and loads of it, then three more long spurts, then less and less. Exactly that much semen. Right up there. Tiger’s vagina.

"Please, pull out of me now!" Tigress begged in a weak voice.

The wolf chuckled. "My knot is inside of you, so we are stuck together until I get limp and it falls out."

Thank you for that anatomy lesson. I’m so glad I have an accurate mental image of how doggy-dong works. I will treasure this knowledge forever.

Tigress growled and threw her head back.

Or maybe throw your head forward and bite this asshole, whatever. Not that you’re a tiger or a martial-arts master or anything.

Blood dripped down her breasts from his claws, and more blood slowly flowed out of her from her popped cherry. She felt the wolf's cum sticking inside of her, and turned uneasily, trying to get it out of her. It swished around in her pussy and the wolf laughed at her efforts.

Does the amount of detail in this description make anyone else mildly disconcerted?

Thirty minutes later, the wolf's member became limp and he slipped out of her. His seed dripped out of her depths along with more blood onto the covers, and Tigress was breathing heavily still.

WE HAVE REACHED TEN. TEN TIMES. Mitchicus, you should be awarded a sticker for your efforts- I think I have just the one…

He cleaned himself off and put back on his clothes. He exited the room and began talking with Shen. The peacock asked what he had done to the Five, and the wolf said that he got "needed release" as a bargain for their lives. The peacock and wolf chuckled outside, leaving the tiger with no purity still chained to the bed and bleeding.

Again, we’re apparently meant to care more about the fact that she lost her ‘purity’ than the fact that she was raped. I’m not exactly feeling it, Mitchicus. I mean, okay, her hymen was broken (do tigers have hymens?), oh dear. I’m still more concerned with the fact that it was done forcefully, against her will. I think you’re putting emphasis on the wrong problem here, but that might just be me.

Tigress wished with all her heart that Po was alive, and that he would come and save them from their fates.

--(Chapter Two starts here)--

He was not dead however.

Well, that was convenient!

Shen was killed, the Five were freed.

Weren’t they already freed at the beginning of Chapter 1? You know, how they were let go after Tigress traded her body to have them released? Or maybe it was a moot point, and Po would have rescued them no matter what. Thanks anyway, Tigress!

…And what about the wolf-rapist?

However, Tigress was never truly the same after her rape.

"I never was the same afterwards." Tigress said to Po, who was sitting beside her.

"Tigress, I'm really sorry." Po said and hugged her.

Tigress did not take the hug as something awkward or strange. She hugged him before the factory, and he hugged her after the final battle. He was comforting her.

Tigress nodded and held him closely, and then looked into his eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him. The kiss lasted for several moments before they slowly pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. They were not embarrassed. They were overjoyed that they were together.

I still don’t understand how animals with muzzles are kissing.

"I'll never lose you again, Po." Tigress said hugging him.

Now, normally, the review would end there, we would ‘x’ out of the tab, and promptly try to find some brain-bleach in the vain attempt to scrub this story from our memory. But this time, dear readers, I’m gonna peek at some of the reviews people left on this story as well. They really do deserve a look.

One reviewer asks, 

“I was wandering if you could do one when Tigress is in heat and rapes Mitch your oc”

Another commenter writes, 

“That story was sad and painful cause I felt Tigress pain when she was raped. If I were tigress I would not surrender to the wolf boss cause my life would be worse. But tigress was lucky that she didn't get killed. Oh what happened to the five and why didn't they helped her?” 

Despite the fact that most of this comment is a little strange, you know what? They raise a very good question at the end there. As a team, the rest of the Five would have fought to free Tigress from her dangerous deal, but we don’t get to see any of that- we don’t get to see the rescue at all, actually. It just happens between Chapter One and Chapter Two, like *~maaaagic~*. And Po comes back to life! And I got a thousand dollars! And pigs flew!

A third comment reads, 

“At least the wolf got what he diserved in the end so did shen” 

…BUT WHAT DID THE WOLF GET IN THE END? Is it specified in the movie, and I’m just missing out because I haven’t seen it? I have no idea! I don’t care to find out!

Lastly, my favorite review of the twenty or so left for this fic is as follows: 

“This is a kung fu panda story: Tigress and Po walk through the forest but then... a wolf member appeared! It had a Bull pup Gun. He shot Po until Po died. Then the wolf aimed at Tigress. When she put her hand up to defend blood dropped down her breast from his claws...

Tigress was dreaming. Po was still alive. But she still woke up at Hospital. She remembered why,

she killed 10 wolves yesterday. Her heart was beating slow. She was weak. Then Viper comforted her. Tigress yawned then said 'Why am I so weak?' Po said 'I have no idea!' Weeks later when Tigress slept, at home.” 

This just about sums up my feelings about the fic in general, and clarifies a lot of the questions I had about it. It’s a great critique, and I can only hope Mitchicus took it to heart!

To top off this review, I’ve actually counted how many times Mitchicus has referenced a vagina or penis by another name:

‘Vagina’ descriptors:
‘mound’- II
‘pussy’- II
‘entrance’- I
‘cherry’- III
‘depths’- III
‘crevice’- I
total: twelve references

‘Penis’ descriptors:
‘member’- IIIIIIIIII
‘length’- I
total: eleven references

Now, please excuse me. I have a double-dose of brain-bleach to find, and a frontal lobe to deep-clean.

"Great rape scene and post death stuff too.": "The Doomed Expedition" by AlexandraS90

Well, I'm not sure how to start this one or of what I should say. I was pretty thoroughly disgusted by this. It's bad, but not badly written. It's baffling to me why someone, anyone, would want to write about this shit. But I've read it, and now it's stuck in my head forever.

So, we've seen four very different types of fanfiction. Each one was terrible, but varying degrees of terrible. I mean, we've seen a completely out of character fuckfic written by a robot, an original character getting it on with two characters that would have no interest in her, the tamest necrophilia ever, and a children's gaming website made into some incredibly poorly written and thought out porn. All of these are varying degrees of bad. They can all be made fun of for one reason or another. None of them should be shown on the internet or to one's friends. But none of them are what's coming up.

This next one is the first truly UNSETTLING one, and I hate to say it, but I've been waiting for this day for a while now. I have no idea why anybody would want to write this fanfiction. Why would anybody want to write something deeply unsettling about Dragon Age II and the characters therein? I get that the Dragon Age series is a mature look on a fantasy realm very similar to The Lord of the Rings, but does that mean I have to read fanfictions about rape, necrophilia, and disgusting acts of violence?

I guess it does. AlexandraS90, in "The Doomed Expedition," certainly thinks that her remarkably awful fanfiction of a female Hawke and Isabela getting raped, murdered, and raped again should be read by fans of the series, and maybe even enjoyed by them. I don't know. I can only guess what her motives are. I just have to say that there is no reason for this to exist. Either the author is really into this or "she" just wanted to try out something a little insane. But the fact of the matter is this is no good. Nobody should ever read this. Enjoying it probably makes you a bad person. There will also be a time towards the end of the story where I am going to stop talking because I have nothing else to say. Imagine me staring slackjawed at the fic while you read it. And always remember: this is what is wrong with the fanfiction culture.

I like Dragon Age, by the way, and I find this all kinds of despicable. But let's get this party started. A party none of us want to attend...

Bartrand Tethras' expedition into the Deep Roads had gone without fault for nearly five days, encountering only small bands of darkspawn, until the party hit their first snag.

This is the very definition of a run-on sentence. There is no need for all of those commas. This sentence should probably be three separate sentences.

The passage they'd been following split off in two directions, one fork leading left and the other leading right.

Uh... "one fork leading left?" Look, forks don't work that way. If there is a fork in the road, then a single one of those paths is not also called a fork. Fork, in this case, is synonymous to "junction."

"Brother!" Bartrand called "Which way do we go?"

I'm going to say this one, rather than point it out throughout the fanfiction. After a character says something, in this example: '"Brother!" Bartrand called(.)' there needs to be a period after "called" or any verb in question before the next quotation is spoken. 

Varric strode up behind his older brother, trying to discern the vague map that Anders had provided them with.

Are... are you ending that sentence with a preposition? Fo' shame.

"I... haven't got a clue." He shrugged, holding the parchment up to a lit brazier. More light did nothing for his problem.

The writing so far is actually not that bad. I'm not enjoying myself reading any of it, mind you, but it's not bad. It's serviceable. I'm nitpicking, which I don't really need to do as you'll see shortly.

"Gray Wardens 

"Grey"

are known more for their darkspawn slaying skills than their clear cartography and for good reason, it seems." Marian Hawke interjected.

"Maybe so." Varric grinned "Alright, it looks to me like one of these passages leads to a square about half a mile ahead. Problem is, I can't tell which one from this damn map. I propose we send a pair of scouts down each one and have 'em report back."

Varric, you seriously can't read a map? You know there's a square, but you have no idea which of two different passages lead to said square? You can't guess?

"Fair enough. I'll take Isabela with me and head to the left. Varric, you take Carver and check out the right..." The young mage decided.

"Don't forget who's leading this expedition, Hawke!" Bartrand told her.

"Okaaaaay, Bartrand." Hawke said, with a hint of snark. "Your comment has literally nothing to do with what we're deciding right now."

"Don't forget who's financing this expedition, Bartrand." Hawke retorted, cutting the wind out of the dwarf's sails.

The two scout groups headed towards the fork, parting ways at the wall.

"Be careful, sister." Carver said, pulling his sibling into a somewhat uncharacteristic embrace. After a second, Marian took his toned, bare arms off her back.

"Don't worry about it Carver. We'll all be back here within the hour. We can have tea! I take mine with darkspawn blood and a spoonful of sugar." Hawke joked.

Nobody thought it was funny.

"After what happened with Bethany, I'd hoped never to see another darkspawn." Carver said.

"Trust me, nothing like that will happen again. I won't let it." Hawke promised.

"Good luck." Carver said, as he and Varric set off.

"We should get going too." Isabela pointed out.

"Really? I thought we would stand here and wait for the second coming of Andraste." Hawke replied as she began walking down her designated passage. Her pirate cohort falling into step behind her.

The fact that this is so NORMAL here pisses me off for what will come later.

"I honestly don't know what's worse, a city full of templars or an underground kingdom full of darkspawn." Hawke sighed.

"At least Kirkwall has proper beds, and proper ale. Falling asleep sober on stone floors every night isn't my idea of a vacation." Isabela remarked.

"And what would that be?" The mage asked.

"The usual: soft sheets, plenty of liquor and strapping Orlesian men catering to my every depraved whim." Isabela laughed.

"I was planning on putting my share of the profits towards an estate in Hightown, but holidaying with you sounds much more tempting." Hawke smiled.

"I'd be glad to have you along. The more people, the better, I always say." Hawke was reasonably sure she didn't just mean that about party size.

ORGY WARNING. Just in case you plebeians didn't understand AlexandraS90's implication there, Isabela was more than likely making a comment about an orgies. ORGY WARNING OVER.  

The two women paused, a heavy door blocking their path. Working together, they were just able to push the thing open. The sight of Isabela, face contorted with effort and her bare shoulder to the door was enjoyable, to say the least, Hawke thought.

Why? Do you like to see your friends struggle a little bit, Hawke? Is that what you're into, you SICK FUCK!?

Uh, sorry, I got a little overexcited there. I should be saving the disgust and anger for later, but... shit happens.

"Do you hear that?" Isabela asked. Hawke strained her ears for a moment, before hearing a far off skittering, the sound of metal boots on stone.

"Darkspawn." Hawke said. The pirate nodded, sliding the knives from her back. Hawke did the same with her staff, taking it out with a slight flourish. The adventurers inched forward, keeping as quiet as possible.

"If there's more than a dozen, we run. I'd rather be alive and poor, than wealthy and dinner for some darkspawn." Hawke whispered.

"Only a dozen?" Isabela asked.

"I'm getting cautious in my old age." the mage smirked.

Isabela and Hawke edged up on the band of darkspawn, managing to survey them undetected.

"I count no more than seven. Let's do this." 

"We're so murdering these darkspawn rather than simply going around them just because they number less than twelve!"

Hawke decided, flinging a fireball at the warband. It killed a unlucky few outright, giving the others minor burns 

Period.

Isabela was on them not long after, her daggers tearing into the flesh of the darkspawn, slicing off limbs. She relieved one hurlock of it's 

"its"

right hand, spinning round 

"around"

to break a genlock's jaw. Hawke had always been impressed with how graceful, and deadly, Isabela managed to be. 

Those two commas should not exist. Make them nonexistent.

Seriously, what is it about fanfictions overusing both commas and semicolons? It happens way too often to be a coincidence. I know these two punctuation marks are strange and probably mythological, but seriously either use them right, learn how to use them right, or use them as sparingly as you can. Do not add them wherever you want. They rarely go where you think they do.

The mage sent bolts of energy at the darkspawn furthest away from Isabela, knowing she could handle a couple alone.

Isabela slashed out a hurlock's eyes, planting her other dagger right in the face of another, elegantly sidestepping away from his frenzied attack. She threw down a smoke bomb, dazing a genlock, only to slip behind, sinking her knife into the base of his skull. His blood burst out, a little spattering onto Isabela's bodice and generous bust. 

Are you fucking serious? Why do I need to know about her "generous bust" when speaking about her violent acts towards these darkspawn? You want to go and say that Isabela's breasts were splattered with blood, fine, but why do I need to know the size of her breasts in the same sentence that a creature's blood is flowing onto her?

Does that seem gratuitous to anybody else?

The three monsters fell to the ground, none of them managing to scratch the pirate.

"That wasn't so bad." Isabela commented, wrenching her daggers free from their newfound sheaths. Shame about the smell, she thought. "There could be more further ahead."

"I guess this is where the ability to sense darkspawn comes in handy." Hawke mused.

"I don't suppose you could have brought the Gray 

"Grey"

Warden with you, then?" Isabela asked.

"Anders is too strange for me. And besides, you're much prettier than he is." Hawke conceded, returning her staff to it's normal place.

Fuck yes, this is the right time to flirt. Of course it is. Also, "its." Please learn the difference between "its" and "it's." It's not hard to figure out the difference.

And let me make this clear as well. Isabela is a fun loving pirate duelist. Hawke is an adventurer and the player character of the game. Neither ever do amazing acts of violence just to do them. And it's a video game besides. Of course there will be fighting enemies. I don't think these fights need to be described in bloody detail in such a loving way.

What I'm saying is that AlexandraS90 is a little fucked up.

"Oh?" Isabela purred, pushing her chest out with the slightest touch of pride.

Her "generous" chest.

"Did I say prettier? I meant smellier. I was hoping your natural stench would scare away the darkspawn." Hawke smirked.

"You don't have to get defensive, sweetie." Isabela replied.

That's not being defensive, Isabela/AlexandraS90. That's being obviously flirtatious. Look up the definitions of both. They might surprise you.

"Shall we press on?" Hawke asked, gesturing down the passageway, which seemed to stretch on for an eternity. The two women continued on for a few moments in silence, prepared for an attack, their weapons at the ready.

The sound of darkspawn once again entered their ears, but this time, the group sounded much further off. They decided to take their chances.

Your overuse of commas is getting to me. After "time" there should be no comma.

Actually, no. Your comma license is revoked. You are no longer allowed to use commas.
"We must be nearing this square, if our passage is even the right one." Isabela said, keeping her voice down.
"You're right. Why do I get the feeling it'll be a darkspawn resort?" Hawke sighed. Just her bloody luck. It had been one terrible thing after another since she'd fled Lothering.

As they closed on the square, their suspicions were confirmed. It was indeed the place Varric had mentioned, but it was filled with darkspawn, just as Hawke had expected. Hawke couldn't quite count them out, but there were dozens of them. Genlocks, hurlocks and shrieks but luckily no ogres.

"When I give the word, run. They'll hear us, but I'm pretty sure we can outstrip them. With Varric, Carver and the others, I think we'll be able to take this lot on." Hawke planned quietly as they hugged the wall.

"I understand" 

Period.

Isabela nodded.

"Alright. Go!" Hawke bade her. 

Why the fuck are you yelling when you could be stealthy? Look, the darkspawn don't know either of you are there. Go quietly, no running or screaming, and they will continue to not know you are there. The instant you yell, scream, and/or run you are asking for trouble, you dolts. I mean, seriously, this whole fucking disaster could have been averted if you acted like adult humans and were quiet rather than acting like children and ran around like chickens with your heads cut off...

Fuck, I'm going to regret that last remark come a little later in the story.

The two friends rose to the feet, bolting back down the passage. They made a lot of noise, enough to alert the more sharp eared members of the small horde. A shriek pointed at the fleeing women, screeching an alert at his broodmates.

I told you. Why the fuck run and yell when you can slink out as easily as you came in? Also that shriek is Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 

Isabela and Hawke were so busy running, they didn't see the genlock emmisarry 

"Emissary." Jeez, oh man, you really fucked that word up royally.

raise his staff, sending out a blast of magical energy at them.

Isabela, who'd been a few strides ahead of Hawke, went sailing through the air a few feet, the feeling of hot, hard air against her skin. She landed with a thud, and a groan, on her back. 

OVERUSE OF COMMAS ALERT

PUNCTUATION POLICE RESPONDING

She caught a glimpse of Hawke doing the same behind her. The darkspawn sprinted forth, managing to close almost the entire distance before either woman was ready to retaliate. Hawke sprung to her feet, twirling her staff, ready to take on the world. A genlock thundered at Isabela, murder in his eyes. 

I am a thundering genlock. Roar. Murder is in my eyes.

She reached for one of her knives, sending it sailing through the air. Her aim was still top notch and the missile struck the short darkspawn between the eyes.

The pirate found her feet, drawing her remaining knife.

"Isabela, run. I'll hold this lot off." Hawke said bravely, twirling her staff and spewing flame at her attackers. Pirate or no, Isabela wasn't the kind of person who left a friend to die. She darted forward, reaching to retrieve her knife, but coming under attack from a heavily armored hurlock in the process.

She slashed hard at the thing's wrist, hoping to take an appendage off. Instead, her knife bounced of his thick plate armour. He had Isabela on the run now. She was backstepping, painfully aware that one missed step on the craggy floor would spell certain doom. She tried another swipe, and another, only to have her blade deflected, again and again, sparks flying as silverite met silverite.

So exciting. I'm not sure how she can be "on the run" while simply "backstepping." Man, I'm seriously almost falling asleep. How can a person make an action scene so awful?

The hurlock had suffered quite enough of this. He bashed his metal kite shield 

Ha ha, thought AlexandraS90, I know at least one kind of shield in the Dragon Age games, and I am damn well going to write about it in my story.

into the pirate's knife hand. Isabela cried out in pain, dropping the knife reflexively. She was sure a few of her fingers had been broken, if not her entire hand.

How does a shield break fingers that easily? Or a hand? I mean, I've jammed my hands and fingers into all manner of things, never had anything break. It's not exactly easy to break bones. Just sayin'. Maybe Isabela has brittle bone disease. She shouldn't be adventuring with brittle bone disease.

The thing roared a celebratory taunt, dropping his weapons and tackling Isabela to the ground, once again driving all the air from her lungs. She'd heard enough tales of the Blight to know what was to come...

"Hawke!" She gasped, desperate for a rescue as the hurlock struggled out of his greaves.

*sigh* Here it comes. Why in the fuck is he doing it so quickly? Why is this even in the story? Why am I currently reading this? All these questions have no answers.

No, seriously. I have never NOT ONCE been playing the Dragon Age games, had a character knocked out, then suddenly seen a little fucking genlock struggling out of his cockshuttering greaves like some demented toddler trying to get out of a diaper. I mean, seriously. These are not things that happen. Maybe I don't have enough imagination, but no, it's also not something I think about happening.

It's also kind of silly to picture. I imagine a lot of fumbling because those fuckers look awkward.

The mage turned her head to look, momentarily distracted by her friend's plight. As she formulated a spell in her mind, she was unaware of the hurlock approaching from behind. He swung his heavy maul in an arc, the hammer striking the unaware human in the lower back.

Hawke's eyes widened, watering at the immense agony she felt. She retched, slumped onto her knees, and fell onto her stomach, lying motionless.

Let's make this fanfiction sickening.

Starting now.

Isabela screamed in terror as she saw them cripple Hawke. Her horror only increased as the one that had defeated her started tearing into Hawke's robes.

Because I have no context about which "her" is supposed to be the right "her," this sentence makes me think that Isabela's darkspawn released her to go tear into Hawke's robes. I know that's not true, but it's the first thing that came to my mind. Be precise when writing your sickening rape-fic. Gosh.

At around the same moment as Isabela's attacker had removed his greaves, exposing his rotten darkspawn penis, Hawke had been laid bare before the rest of the darkspawn. 

Run-on sentence. Again.

"Rotten darkspawn penis," huh? That's a combination of words I've been dying to read my whole life. Thank you for making my life, AlexandraS90. Now I can die a happy man.

Had Isabela been able to concentrate on Hawke, she would have been disgusted at the sight of the wound on the barely living mage's back. As it stood, she had bigger things to watch. 

Yeah, a rotten darkspawn penis.

The hurlock leaned forwards, it's 

"its" Do you understand? Do you? "It's" means "it is" while "its" is a pronoun that refers to possession.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

yellowed teeth making a beeline for Isabela's supple neck. She only barely managed to stop him killing her outright. She shoved her hands onto his forehead, hating to touch the vile creature. Being pushed back, the hurlock could not get the killing bite it wanted. He sunk his teeth into Isabela's neck regardless, doing little more than drawing her blood.

The hurlock abandoned the thought of killing her, for now, 

That was quick.

and pushed his rotten cock between her thighs. 

You've already used used "rotten" as a descriptor. Either don't use it because your audience understands already or use another adjective. Or just stop writing. That one's my choice. I'm sad you didn't choose it also.

He forced it through her underwear, using enough force to tear the delicate undergarment apart.

Uh... that... can't happen. Her undergarments are not made of something that easily torn by a "rotten" cock. It's much more likely his cock would fall off than him ripping her undergarments off. I mean, seriously, let's think about this. A penis, even as hard as a penis could possible get, could not just rip panties all willy-nilly. A penis is not a knife. A penis is not a secret blade in a sheath. A penis is a soft fleshy member that can kind of get a little hard sometimes, but is never hard enough to rip or tear fabric. I would know because I have one, and I have never had to go through life saying, "Oh woe is me, I have just torn another pair of boxers and trousers because I became a little hard in the pants and tore right through them because my penis is incidentally also a knife." I have never had a girlfriend run from me crying out in agony, "Oh dear Lord, the penis, it has damaged me because it is so hard!" I'm not even talking sex here. I'm talking preliminaries and just living with a penis. It doesn't act like a knife. It doesn't become a knife. Again, a little hard sometimes. Can possibly be painful while in a vagina. Can possibly be uncomfortable in other orifices as well. Not know for tearing fabric.

And I'm not even mentioning that this darkspawn's penis is ROTTEN. I mean, it's described more than once as rotten. A rotten penis will probably not work correctly, nor will it be a knife, nor get hard enough to tear through ANY KIND OF FABRIC. 

Mein Gott.

Maker, let it end now, Isabela pleaded as her pussy lips met his cock.

Wow, AlexandraS90, you are a piece of shit. You know that? This is a fucking rape-fic. I hope you know that. And in a rape-fic, I do not want to see this shit. This utterly horrid shit. I am only reading this fucking assballs writing because I'm making fun of it. The fact that you wrote this, wrote about a woman getting raped in a "serious" manner then wrote that last sentence in all seriousness... Fuck you. Fuck you for even thinking that this is worthy of any single human being reading it. If a fucking person enjoys this shit, they shouldn't even be considered human anymore. I mean, seriously. Come the fuck on. "Pussy lips?" Of all the terms in all the world, you have to go with that one? In a "serious" fic? Fuck you.

The sad thing is, people do enjoy it. Read this review from Virus Vescichetta and weep, humanity: "I don't see why anyone is complaining. This could have been WAY darker. Though, to be fair, the Internet and its dark corners have rendered me quite desensitized. As is I applaud the structure. Any grammar or spelling mistakes are minor and easily missed/ignored, which is more than can be said for 90% of the stories that get posted anywhere, so kudos on that." It's wonderful to know that somehow, somewhere our friend Virus is seeing things miles worse than this. I mean, this is barely on his radar as anything at all. You call this a torture-rape-necrophilia fic. Naw. I'll show you a REAL torture-rape-necrophilia fic. Let me just pull it out of this subfolder on my harddrive...

Or this one from JayDee: "I just cannot understand somebody seeing a summary like the story on this one, along with those codes and then - surely knowing they will not like it - reading it and complaining it made them feel ill. "gruesome fate" plus nec tag? What do they expect, a teddy bear's tea party?

Anyhow, I just read this over on GC and wondered if you had posted it here too. It really is a great little story, and Isabella having to be willingly killed to avoid a worse fate actually comes across as a little poignant amongst the violence. Nice dramatic characterisation there. Great rape scene and post death stuff too."

"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."

"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."

"Great rape scene and post death stuff too."

So, just remember, some people actually ENJOY this shit. "Poignant." It's fucking bullshittingly "poignant." I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Hawke was faring no better. She couldn't move her legs anymore, and her staff had been dropped at her side, just too far away for her to grasp it. She couldn't believe what was happening as the darkspawn stripped her. One sidled behind her, yanking her legs up, to her agony, and spreading them apart.

It pounded into Hawke's virgin arsehole 

You just wrote that, didn't you? Are you actively making fun of the subject? You're obviously not taking it seriously. I'm actually upset reading this. How can somebody take a subject like rape so flippantly? It's a sickening and awful thing, and in this story it's being treated like it should be erotic. Especially with terms like that floating around. Fuck that. Fuck this whole story. And fuck you, AlexandraS90, you pile of fecal dysentery excreted out of every orifice floating in the open sewage pit of the human condition. You should, as a human fucking being, know better than to write this. And you certainly shouldn't have published this for others to read. What the fuck do you get from that? Why would you have done this at all? But no, it seems like there are no depths to which you will not sink.

with the force of an archdemon. It thrust in and out relentlessly, the young mage shamefully pissed herself in fear. 

I don't even want to comment anymore. This is literally disgusting and despicable.

Her demeaning rape 

You FUCKING think!? You fucking think this is "demeaning?" You want to put that descriptor in there, saying the absolute FUCKING obvious? Fine. Fine. At least you know what we're all thinking.

continued. The hurlock was relentless! Hawke wondered if they did it for pleasure, or just to spread more misery in the world. As the blighted thing brought it's 

"its" It's "its" you piece of shit. ITS ITS ITS ITS ITS.

And have fun with those exclamation points too. I'm sure it was a blast to write this like it's almost an actual sex scene. But those aren't hardcore enough for you, I suppose.

claws down on Hawke's broken back, tearing into the damaged flesh, she was sure it was the latter.

Other darkspawn converged on Hawke, fighting for her. Hawke felt a blessed moment's reprieve as the hurlock who'd crippled her was forced out, only to sink into despair as the one that had pushed him aside plunged into her. He was even bigger, and impossibly, even more brutal. The hurlock forced her legs wider and wider apart, hoping to hear the shattering sound of her legs breaking.

He got his wish before long. The sound of snapping bones made Isabela feel even more nauseous. Could see she 

"she see" And let me add that I get the feeling that the author was enjoying writing this. Sick fuck.

Hawke's bloody, twisted legs, splaying out in crooked directions, she would have been pushed over the edge.

Isabela's darkspawn rapist continued to mercilessly abuse her, tearing her white garment and clawing at her skin. He brought his claws down across her chest, tearing a series of cuts down her bountiful right breast and onto her toned stomach.

Why are you using adjectives and descriptors? Are you trying to make this abomination of writing sexy? Because if you are, you have failed miserably. You failed so hard it isn't and will never be funny. Actually, it's sickening. I'm with Isabela here, nearly nauseous at what's going on, but more sickened that a human being, a person that I share a species with, would deign to write this. Look, unless you are some mad genius superimposing sexiness with sickening rape (and you aren't judging by the quality of the writing) this is not good nor will it ever be good. It is bad because it is so wrong and twisted.

Isabela managed to glance over, seeing Hawke's naked form being dropped, her broken legs slamming into the stone floor as the hurlock pulled out of her ass and strode over to her head. An enterprising genlock stole his place, anally raping the woman, who was half his size. It would be almost comical, were it not horrifying, Isabela thought.

Yes, I'm sure being raped is really funny. I'm sure it's a fucking laugh riot.

Hawke looked up at the hurlock standing in front of her. The evil beast placed a greaved foot on her dark hair, slowly forcing the mage's face to the stone. Hawke wanted to force her head up, to wipe the dust and pebbles from her face, but she was too broken to resist.

Isabela watched grimly as the hurlock raised his boot, giving Hawke a brief moment of false hope. He brought his heavy, metal foot down on Marian Hawke's skull. The young woman's head burst like a ripe watermelon, splattering brains, blood and skull fragments across the Deep Roads. A few bits of brain even managed to close the distance between Hawke and Isabela, spattering onto the pirate's boots as she fought to get free.

By the way, I'm out. This is actually getting me upset. I can't continue to comment on something that I find this distasteful.

The hurlock roared out to the other members of the warband, proclaiming his victory in whatever language the foul things spoke. The genlock continued to pound in and out of Hawke's ass, defiling the woman's body even beyond her death. The tightening of her arse as she'd been killed had driven the beast into a frenzy.

Isabela felt the armoured genlock pull out of her ravaged pussy, and flip her onto her stomach. She felt the friction of the Deep Roads against her exposed skin as she was slowly dragged down the passageway. At first, Isabela thought she was being taken to be mass raped, but as she passed the closest darkspawn, she found they largely ignored her, instead focusing on Hawke's still warm body. Why haven't they killed me?, Isabela thought. The pirate had heard terrible stories of darkspawn capturing women and turning them into terrible monsters. Isabela had assumed they were tall tales, fueled by ale, but she had no desire to find out.

Isabela retched as she was pulled past Hawke's body. Some darkspawn had resumed raping her, others tore into her flat stomach for food. She was almost sick as she noticed a genlock lifting the mage's foot to his mouth, chewing off her toes and sucking the blood down. At the same time, Isabela was becoming aware of another feeling of sickness in her, separate from the horror at witnessing these atrocities.

A few feet ahead of her, Isabela's eyes were drawn to the genlock she'd killed earlier. Her knife was still embedded in his face and she was being pulled right towards him! She had to take her chance.

She grasped out, using all the strength in her hands to pry the blade from the fallen darkspawn. She saw her darkspawn captor turn, sensing her moving. She aimed quickly, it was a difficult throw, but the rivani 

"Rivaini." At least take the time to research what you're writing about. Go and look at the wiki. Or is your time so valuable you can't even do that?

woman was somewhat gifted.

She loosed the blade, watching it sail through the air and strike the hurlock in the neck. Understandably, he was too busy choking on his own blood to keep hold of the pirate. Isabela scrambled to her feet, turned tail and fled, sprinting as fast as her feet could carry her.

Isabela had to dodge arrows, bolts and dark magic as she fled. Somehow, the Maker was smiling on her enough that none of the darkspawn got a decent shot. She padded along, feeling deathly ill, managing to put enough distance between her and the darkspawn. Once she was a hundred or so feet away, most gave up, returning to feast on their prey. Only a couple of persistent predators followed Isabela through the metal door Hawke and her had found, seconds into their scouting.

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"Well, that was a bust." Varric commented, as he and Carver returned to the fork in the road

"You didn't find anything, Messere Tethras?" Bodahn Feddic wondered.

"Oh, we found something. It just wasn't what we were looking for." Varric said, wiping a thick glob of spider's web from his duster and dropping it to the floor. "You're paying to have this coat cleaned, brother." Varric told Bartrand "I've got no idea what gets giant cobweb out..."

Bartrand was just about to voice a reply, when Carver spoke up, pointing out Isabela, who staggered towards the party, before dropping to the ground, exhausted.

Varric rushed forward, ending the encroaching darkspawn with a pair of well placed shots from Bianca.

"Isabela, what happened? Where's my sister?!" Carver demanded, kneeling by the pirate.

"I'm sorry Carver, they got her." She said, holding back a sob "I barely escaped."

"Bastards." Carver raged "I won't lose another sibling to them. I won't. She must be still alive, I-"

"Take it easy, junior. I'm sorry for your loss." Varric said "Hawke was a friend of mine, too. But rushing off into the Deep Roads won't bring her back. Besides, I think we have a more pressing matter to attend to." The dwarf gestured down to Isabela, who was fading in and out of consciousness.

Carver recognized it right away, the gaunt face, dead eyes and pale skin were all symptoms of the darkspawn taint. It was a slow and agonizing death, Carver thought.

"Isabela, do you know of the darkspawn corruption?" Carver asked. She nodded, coughing up a little blood.

"You want to know if I want to be put out of my misery?" Isabela croaked "I won't die a ghoul, Carver. Do it."

Carver nodded, sliding his greatsword from the sheath on his back.

"I'm sorry. If I could've traded places with Hawke, I would have." Isabela murmured, close to the end. She felt the cold steel pressed against her neck, saw Carver raise the blade, and felt a swift rush of pain as he brought the sharp two-handed sword down on her neck.

"Ancestors!" Varric cursed as Isabela's severed head slump to the ground. "This entire trip is a disaster."

"We can't afford to turn back, brother." Bartrand decided.

"Maker help us all." Carver sighed.

"Leave the human slut." Bartrand said disrespectfully. "We don't have the time or supplies to do anything with her."

Yeah, AlexandraS90, you are a despicable person. Your writing makes me sick to my stomach and upset to the point of wanting to throw this piece of shit story out. I'm a dude in my mid-twenties, and yet I have never felt this actually viscerally upset by anything I've read before. This rape-fic is literally the worst thing I have ever read. And Bartrand, although a bastard, is never that cold. I mean, seriously. You had to add that in there for a little twist of the knife, didn't you?

Reluctantly, the surviving members of the expedition turned left, venturing down the path that had led Hawke and Isabela to their dooms.

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A few hours later, Isabela's headless body was discovered by a small warband. They picked over the body. They stripped Isabela of her necklaces, rings and other jewellry, 

It has to be either "jewelry" or "jewellery," not some Frankenstein combination of both words. That's not allowed.

ripping the piercings out of her dead flesh. Once they'd taken her gold items for trophies, they moved onto baser needs. Isabela's remaining limbs were severed, chewed to the bone by constantly ravenous monsters. Her limbless torso was used sexually, a bag for the beasts to take pleasure from until they ripped it apart for food.

The band's leader, a hurlock emissary, was the one to discover the head, not too far from the body. He lifted the rivani 

"Rivaini"

pirate up to eye level, admiring her face. She would make a fine trophy. He cast a form of death magic on her, ensuring decomposition would never occur.

Isabela's head did not stay in the possession of the emissary. As the years passed, skirmishes between warbands would see her change hands every so often. Every darkspawn that possessed her would hang the trophy proudly from their belt, using the mouth for whatever depraved purposes they could imagine.

Isn't that a wonderful ending? 

Just remember: "Great rape scene and post death stuff too."